I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I see you around @GardensHeart. I’m not sure if you celebrate Christmas. I just want to wish you a good day and to thank you for being around on a day like today when many will need extra support. 

[Captain24]

Lunch done. Presents done. Clean up

done. Now for some me time before it all starts again. I’m exhausted. I’m struggling especially since the is extra people coming tonight. 

Focusing on what my psych said yesterday. Count down the hours. 6 to go and it’s all over! 

[Captain24]

As tonight gets closer the harder it is. I feel sick. I’m chest is hurting. I’m starting to shake. My breathing is short. 

[Snowie]

@Captain24 you are almost don hon. Only a bit more time to go.

Look at what you have been able to achieve today. The end is near.

Counting down the minutes....

[Captain24]

They have all left @Snowie. Dishwasher is going and my kitchen is clean. I’m glad it’s over but at least it was bearable. Mum inviting another aunty was actually good as the aunty that usually comes didn’t talk at all. It made it less awkward. 

Now I’m just going to watch some Netflix and take my meds. 

How did you go today? Was it ok? 

[Captain24]

So I sent my arsehole brother some money for Christmas. He gets a notification when anything happens with his bank account so he would have been notified. What did I get. Nothing. No text to say thank you. No text to say merry Christmas and he didn’t even ring his mother. He is a self-centred, narcissistic piece of shit. 

I sent his daughter some money too. Nothing from her either. 

I know I didn’t send a message either. So I guess it’s probably my fault. Maybe I’m the horrible one. I’m tired of making an effort. To get nothing back. Maybe I’m just as bad. I hate to compare myself to him though. 

[Snowie]

@Captain24 I really think you did all you can. Unfortunately we cannot control what others do.

Just the fact that he didn't send your mum a message or ring her says a lot about him.

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself, you are nothing like him.

[Captain24]

Sometimes I wonder @Snowie. We are from the same gene pool and were raised the same. Theres times when I realise I’m nothing like him but others I wonder. 

How are you spending your recovery day? I’m just doing some Lego, I’ve done some online shopping and my 2 babies are sound asleep after such a big day yesterday. 

[Snowie]

Totally understandable @Captain24 

My brother and I were raised the same and live totally different lives. I have had no contact with him for over 2 years now.

I've done some online shopping this morning too!!

Will just be watching the test match cricket and having an easy day.

What lego are you doing?

[Captain24]

I’d get in trouble if I stopped contact @Snowie. I’m sorry about your relationship but I feel less alone. 

Im doing a wreath. I want to put some diamond art out but it’s too hard when I have visitors turning up at some stage. They still haven’t let me know when they are coming. 

I use to watch the cricket all the time when it was Dean Jones, Allan Border, the Waugh brother. That era. I was obsessed with Deano! I haven’t watched it in years. I don’t even know the players now. Only the names of the ones that have done the wrong things and made it too the media!