I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Hi. I’m new and have never been in anything like this before. 
I’m really struggling with depression at the moment and just need a place to vent. 
there is no reason as to why I feel this way. I just hate myself and feel like I’m an unworthy and useless person. I don’t have a partner or many friends. I feel like I keep pushing them away when I’m down. I’m just not worthy of them. I hate life and just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. I feel so much emotional pain inside but numb at the same time. None of this makes any sense but it just how I feel. 

[tyme]

Hi @Captain24 ,

Welcome to the forums. It sounds like things are pretty low for you at the moment. It's a space many members here have been in. 

I have also been in that space where i pushed everyone away - but then I sunk into a deeper hole. 

What I've learnt from my experiences is that, like the weather, these feelings pass. It doesn't mean these feelings are any less real, but if I, or others, can sit with you through the toughest parts, the IS light ahead.

Do you have any supports around you?

I'd also like to direct you to some crisis services if you feel you need immediate support (SANE is NOT a crisis service):

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467

If in immediate danger: 000 

Once again, a very warm welcome to the forums! We are all REAL people, with REAL emotions and REAL experiences to share.

tyme

[Eve7]

Hello @Captain24  and welcome to the forums. I hope you meet lots of friendly people here as I have.

I’m sorry you are having such a rough time and I hope you have some support. I also have depression so I understand what it’s like to feel unworthy even when it doesn’t make any sesnse.

[Captain24]

Hi @tyme

Thanks for the welcome. It is good to know that I’m not the only one.
Anyone that could be a support I’ve pushed away which is my own fault.
I just needed to vent as I don’t have any fight left in me

[tyme]

And that’s okay @Captain24 .

To be honest, for my MH recovery, I really needed times to be ‘alone’ so I could find my own feet. When there’s so many people telling you what to do or trying to ‘help’, it can make it challenging.

Main thing is, yo8 have reached out here tonight which is a great start. 

In my recovery, I also learnt to ‘reconnect’ with society firstly through the forums, then in real life.

It’s a work in progress.

tyme

[Captain24]

How does everyone help themselves get through the darkness when they have lost the strength to fight it anymore? 

[Captain24]

TW SH

I have just got in contact with a psychologist, just waiting for an appointment confirmation. 

I feel sick and ashamed that I’ve had to ask for help. However I can’t stay like this. It’s getting to the point where I can’t even function for the day. 

I just want to be happy instead of miserable all the time. I hate that I can’t do it and that I just don’t want to wake up. 

I haven’t self harmed for about 20yrs and now it’s a struggle to not do it to release the pressure inside. I’m sick of feeling numb and need to feel something 

[tyme]

Hi @Captain24 ,

Good to see you back today. 

Your feelings are absolutely valid. One thing I do have to say is that my experience of seeking happiness didn’t go too well.

The more I sought to be happy, the more miserable I became. I looked at people around me and thought “why have they moved on in life, but I haven’t?” Your probably feeling a similar way.

Good news is, when I stopped looking for happiness, I learnt to become satisfied and content with my life. I saw challenges as opportunities to grow and learn as a person. And guess what? Today, I am genuinely so satisfied with life. It doesn’t mean I’m always “happy”, but I couldn’t possibly ask for a better life.

I hope you will also find a space where you become genuinely content with what life has to offer - then, happiness will come.

Living in the past is depressing. Living in the future is anxiety-provoking. Living in the present means you are in control. It’s your choice. The ball is in your court.

Sitting with you,

tyme

[Captain24]

Thanks @tyme 

it’s good to be able to get this stuff out. I am reading what is said and listening.

I have read some of the other posts and for the first time I see that other people feel the same or worse even. It does make me feel less of a freak. 

It’s also good to see that others have gotten through it. So I know that maybe I can get through. 

At the moment though I’m having trouble even getting through to the next day. 

[tyme]

I hear you @Captain24 ,

When things seem too tough, you don’t even need to take each day as it comes. Focus on the next 5 minutes even, and gradually build it up to 30 mins, 60 mins etc. This helped me see life as more manageable.

And no, you are definitely not a freak. I used to think I was abnormal because i took antidepressants… well, that was until I realised most people around me were also on antidepressants. It’s absolutely okay. 

And yes, I find connecting with people on the forums helps a lot.

tyme