I always feel embarrassed.

[Eden1919]

This is going to discuss some things about eating disorders so if that is going to be upsetting please dont read the rest (no intense details just around the topic) 

Anyway sorry again for another thread but i always feel so incredibly embarrassed to have an eating disorder but to also be overweight. and even though like i know that actually there are more overweight people with eating disorders statistically than there are underweight people i still feel so so embarrassed about it like i am screwing another thing up. and i dont mean to say that people with ed's who are underweight are and better off it is just that i feel like if i ever tried to tell someone i had an ed they would just laugh in my face and say i was crazy, which is hard because i still have issues with eating around people amoung other things and i just feel like it is something i constantly have to hide even from professionals. and even all the main services are directed at people who are underweight like i literally have not found something in the entire counrty that seems to deal with people with eds who arent underweight. it is just like no one cares and everyone blames you and then even though it is ruining my life i dont deserve help because this must just be all my fault because i am fat and lazy. i just dont know how i am supposed to deal with this when everything i go to just says i am just lazy and need to exercise. 

[BlueBay]

Oh @Eden1919  pls don’t worry about posting a new one. It’s ok. Snd I totally understand what you’re saying. 

I’m similar- very overweight and not much exercise or motivation. 

I’m just now asking fir help. I told my doctor a few weeks ago and he referred me to a dietitian. 

Could you tslk yo your doctor? Or do you see a psychologist? Would you feel comfortable in talking to someone? 

It’s hard to ask fir help or even tell someone there is an issue. Mind you I haven’t told my hubby or children. No one knows except my support people. 

Happy to chat more ❤️❤️

[outlander]

hi @Eden1919
im hearing you on the embarrassment with an eating disorder and the stigma it comes with- ie when people think of eating disorders they think underweight but thats not always the case. im in the middle of getting a diagnosis for an eating disorder but im also overweight.
no one in my family knows either.
have you looked into seeing a psychologist who deals with eating disorders?

[Eden1919]

@BlueBay @outlander  it has been going on for about 15 years and i only started telling my treatment team about it in the last year and a half. i did see an eating disorder specialist psychologist for about 9 months but she didnt know what to do in the end and also had to go on leave because she was having a baby but she and my other psychologist that i had before i moved were the only ones who took me seriously my psychiatrist basically told me to keep going when i had told him i had pretty much not eaten for a long period of time and the other psychiatrist i have tried to tell have told me to just get weight loss surgery if i want to that badly. I have been waiting for 6 months already to see a psychologist and i will likely be waiting another 2 at least and that is pretty much the entire year gone with zero support and i am honestly so fed up it just makes me cry all the time and then i just keep crying for days and i cant stand it and i have tried so hard to control it myself but i cant and no one ever takes me seriously with this issue but it is literally destroying me.  

[outlander]

wow @Eden1919 im very dissapointed in those health professionals. those responses are totally unacceptable. My psychiatrist that i had previously when i mentioned some weight and eating troubles. one of her responses was well these medications will probably make you feel sick so you wont be easting as much and will loose weight. i stopped talking about it then and have only just mentioned it again but not in detail. to hard for me to talk to anyone about i guess.
could you ask to see a new eating disorder specialist in your new area?

[outlander]

i think the butterfly foundation can refer you if you dont feel comfortable talking to a gp

[Eden1919]

@outlander  Yeah now I just don’t talk with my psychiatrist about it ever and I have tried the butterfly foundation and there are no specialists in my area like literally none actually there have been cases here where people from this area have sold their houses to pay to go to places in the USA for eating disorder treatment because no one here does it and no one in government gives a crap about it here. There is one service for children and that is it but 0 adult services. I am just so fed up like I honestly think this is going to be the thing that gets me and nobody takes it seriously. And I hate how professionals always look for another explanation to why you are feeling or doing something when you yourself know very well why and you tell them but they just won’t accept it like sorry but you don’t live in my head so stop trying to change my experience to fit your stereotypes. 

[Eden1919]

I am so flippin fed up i made the stupid mistake of thinking i could actually look in the mirror today and spent the next 3 hours crying because i felt physically sick becuase i was so disgusted by how ugly i am. i cant stand this i hate feeling so grossed out by my own exsistance but whats worse is that i should be because i am gross and it is all my fault because i ruin everything all the time. 

[outlander]

hi @Eden1919 it sounds really tough for you.
i hope todays been better for you though

[Eden1919]

I am so tired and i am trying very hard to keep focused but i feel so distracted by literally everything and the eating stuff is really taking up a lot of my time. i am so frustrated by everything,