Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Lostandneedhelp]

@tyme @Great advice  thanks 

[Blackbird11]

Yes let the tears run @Lostandneedhelp ... It’s the body's way of regulating it's self. It releases all the things and shows you care 💚

[tyme]

How are you @Lostandneedhelp ?? I'm thinking of you.

[Lostandneedhelp]

Thank you @tyme @Having a bit of a hard day. It saddens me that every time I ask for a hand in the house J turns it into a full blown argument. I am unwell myself and have actually had to retire from work early. I struggle to look after my house as it is and have to pay for trades to do my lawns n gardens and I get a cleaner to do my bathrooms which is not cheap. All I want is her clothes and possessions in her room not every room in my house. I try and pick my good times to set boundaries and I really don’t expect a lot just help with the bills and keeping living areas tidy. She did t go to work today so that got me down too. Hoping tomorrow is a new and better day!! Thanks for checking in appreciated 

[tyme]

Yes, there will be some good days and some bad days @Lostandneedhelp . I hope she will come to a point where she realises she's not satisfied with her life and only she can make the changes. It sounds like you have been very reasonable with her. There's only so much you can do for an adult child....

In other words, your energy now has to turn to looking after YOU. 

[JustMe48]

Hi, I'm not sure I can offer any links or where to go for help, but I can offer support coming from a "Yes, I've been there" space.

Brief background, my mother also had BDP for her entire life, getting decidedly worse as the years progressed.  I tried and tried again to fix her, to make her understand, to try and get her to accept she needed help, but it was like kicking walls.  It was almost like she wanted to be a victim and didn't want to recover because it somehow kept her the centre of everyone's world.  I always felt a very selfish attitude and I still stand by that because she never considered anyone else and how it may affect them.

I think what I've learnt so far from putting posts up on here and hearing from different sides is that the person has to firstly, accept there is a problem, stop staying in denial and accept the help.  If they can't get past that bit, the journey continues on and on and it gets no better.  That person just continues on their path, sacrificing so much along the way, and gets no better and in my case, a lot worse.  I truly believe that your daughter needs to, and I mean this very sympathetically, to wake up, accept there's an issue, start thinking that the future could be bright with her in it, where she can achieve and push through these demons (with help) and be a better version of herself.  If she see that vision, she can conquer anything, but that lies with her and not you.  I have learnt that fixing someone doesn't work, they have to fix themselves.

I sincerely hope that your daughter will one day take life and run with it 🙂

[cherryblossom8]

Hi @Lostandneedhelp 

I hope you’re doing ok, it sounds like you’re having a rough time. I’m also caring for my husband who’s had battles with depression and psychosis. I agree with @JustMe48, it’s really important for both of you that you do seek help. From my experience, untreated mental health conditions can only lead to very frightening crises. Given your daughter’s diagnosis, she needs targeted treatment and care. What kind of follow up support did you receive from the hospital after she was diagnosed? Did they put you in touch with a CAT team at all? I’m not sure which state you are from, so I’ll send you this information for you to check just in case: https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/crisis-management

You might want to get in touch with a community mental health organisation.  For example, in Victoria, you can call EACH and they have a mental health and well-being hub you can contact. They’re usually really good at giving support and advice to carers. And they have multiple services like drug and alcohol counselling. Another helpful organisation for mental health is Neami National. They should have services available in all states as they get federal funding and they do offer support to carers and families: https://www.neaminational.org.au

It’s free but you do need to be eligible (within 12 months of a crisis), I would just ring them and find out what they can do for you. They do have an outreach program, so they could visit you at home. It might be helpful for you given that your daughter is in denial.
I would try to frame it as there’s no harm or shame from getting extra help. It’s kind of like doing a little physio after surgery. It’s ok to try something temporarily to give you a boost and tell her, she can always try something else if it doesn’t work out. But, just emphasise that mental health support is not about trying to ‘fix’ her, but just about improving her health and quality of life in general. 
I hope this helps and please give us an update. Take good care of yourself.

[hanami]

Amazing advice and support @cherryblossom8 . Thank you for sharing that.

x

[Lostandneedhelp]

Thanks for your support @JustMe48 

I know I have to let her decide to want to get well or there’s no use pressing for help thanks again 

[Lostandneedhelp]

It certainly does help !! I have really not had any follow ups from hospitals because she is an adult. Which sucks! I didn’t know about these links so I will definitely look into it. 
thanks so much @cherryblossom8 thanks you for sharing your ideas and experience