Griefing

[buunzie]

hi, im new but a few weeks ago i lost someone like a mother to me for 8 years.

i haven't had much time to grieve since i wanted to help out with everything but now after attending the funeral I feel so numb and every bit of emotion is coming through because i believed i bottled it up.

i don't know what to really do and i don't have much friends to talk to about it.

i don't know where to go from here but im getting second thoughts on things i should of done in that funeral day and i feel horrible.

im thinking of getting grief counselling but im not so sure due to pricing and my schedule being messy.

i would love some friends to help me get through it or give me some advice on what to really do.

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @buunzie , it's good you've joined.

I am sorry for your loss of someone close 😞

Have you heard of Griefline? 1300 845 745.

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

I hope you find the forums supportive. 

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @buunzie,

Welcome to the forums - it's not always easy to reach out and share such a raw and emotional experience so be proud of yourself.

Firstly I'm am sorry to hear about your loss. Grief is such a powerful feeling, particularly when it is someone that has been a very important person in your life. I lost a close family member last year and while I have had other people I know pass over the years and that has been very sad, the grief I felt when I lost my family member was like nothing I have ever experienced.

I also found the grief didn't really hit me til after the funeral. I guess because there were things to do between the passing and the funeral there was no real time to reflect/think. For me it was after the funeral was over and the `dust had settled' that grief really presented itself (I think that is normal for a lot of people).

I read somewhere the feelings of grief are a lot like being in the ocean and the waves are knocking you over. Sometimes the waves are big, appear to come from nowhere and you almost lose your breath, and sometimes they are smaller and more manageable. I find for me I just sit with what comes up, allow it to be, and feel the emotion helps. Whilst it can be painful I think it's an important part of the grieving process otherwise if we don't sit with our feelings and keep pushing them down we don't really deal with the grief (which I believe is important to do).

I understand reflecting upon the funeral and thinking about what maybe you should or shouldn't have done may play on your mind but please find peace with the relationship you had with your loved one, your shared experiences and memories. That's what (is in my opinion) the most important. 

I agree that counselling can be both pricey and difficult due to peoples schedules. Having said that I just want to let you know that the SANE Support Centre is free and available to support you from 10am-10pm Monday to Friday. We have counsellors and peer support workers available to support you via phone (1800 18 7263) or webchat - https://www.sane.org/get-support/drop-in-service. There are also many supportive people right here in the forums with some great advice and lived experience.

Please take care of yourself. It's great you found us - we are here to help you so please reach out whenever you need to.

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather

[Christheart]

@buunzie I'm so sorry for your loss, friend ❤