Feeling desperate and distraught

[PlantLover]

The last few months have been insane for me. The last two months have been the worst. I've been couch and bed bound. Unable to do ANYTHING around the house. Going to the toilet and having a shower can be difficult. 
I've had constant nausea, gagging and vomiting EVERY DAY for TWO MONTHS. I just want it to go away. I'm done, can't do this anymore. It started as withdrawals from a medication but has seemed to have turned into something else. As withdrawals don't usually last this long. The current theory is that the original withdrawal symptoms just destroyed my stomach lining and that's why It's continued. On top of this I haven't had sleep in 3 weeks. 3 weeks ago I completely stopped off of my medication of 9 years. It helped me sleep. I hoped that I'd be able

to work on the insomnia without medication and to be able to conquer it. My mind said hell no. My psychologist said my insomnia is too severe and she doesn't know how to help me, so she referred me to a insomnia specialist and she couldn't help me either. I've been to a sleep clinic to be tested and nothing was physically found to be wrong. So I'm currently stuck, no medical professional knows how to help me. With my therapist and psychiatrist we have found that my sleeping issues isn't due to anxiety, stress, over thinking or trauma (or mental health at all). I follow all sleep hygiene, do mindfulness. I go to bed calm, happy and relaxed and I just won't sleep. I've tried herbal medication which did nothing, I've tried 3 other sleep medications that didn't work. Then today. I finally got a script for a strong sleeping medication, which I was told would knock me out for 12 hours. I was so happy to finally get some sleep. 
But here I am writing this essay at 12:30pm because no the miracle drug I was hoping for failed. It did the complete opposite. It made me feel completely awake and euphoric. At least I won't be crying due to not sleeping tonight. This 'sleep' medication has given me the giggles and I can't stop laughing. Even though I'm getting no sleep again tonight, I'm grateful that I've been able to have some happy time. I really need it right now. 
I'll enjoy the giggles and happiness until my migraines, nausea, gagging, vomiting and hullucinations reappear. Yep migraines and hullucinations are because I've had no sleep in 3 weeks. 

[Snowie]

Hi @PlantLover 

It sounds extremely stressful and anxiety provoking.

I am sorry that nothing seems to be working for you and that no professionals seem to have the answer for you either.

It sounds like you have already tried so much with no luck.

Here with you hun 💜

[greenpea]

@PlantLover  Hey PlantLover can I ask if you feel your insomnia is due to you going off the medications?

[Spag]

hey, chance you could be pregnant (not making any assumptions on gender)?

are you having difficulties with appetite and smells?

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[Powderfinger]

I really feel for you. I am wondering if it might be a possibility to start looking at other trials done around the world for this issue. I think there would be other people with this issue. Perhaps a very low percentage, but nevertheless others. 

Also have you tried searching for a group of people, whether it be Facebook or other online forums that aslo deal with your issues you have? The support can be very comforting and you never know, there might also be some solutions to your problem. 

I wish for you it gets solved and it no longer continues. 

[PlantLover]

What a great idea, thank you. I tried looking online for insomnia forums with no luck. But there may be groups of Facebook! I'll have a look today. Thank you!

[PlantLover]

Hello @Spag that was one of the first things I checked. But the two home tests I took were negative and so was my blood test. Yes loss of appetite. I'm losing weight from not eating enough/vomiting. Smells are the same, no difference there.

[PlantLover]

Yes @greenpea it definitely is. I knew there was a strong chance of my insomnia coming back once I was off my meds. That's why I made sure I worked on sleep hygiene with my psychologist a couple of months before stopping the meds. The medication I was on was for my mental health and my sleep. 
My insomnia started when I was 15. I was hospitalised for 6 months with anorexia nervosa. The insomnia started when I was at my worst. When my body was shutting down. It was my bodies way of trying to keep me alive. But even as I recovered and ate well it never went away, it stuck around. It's like my brain never switched off from 'if you sleep you die' mode. The psychiatrist explained it to me as my body was worried if I went to sleep I wouldn't wake back up again. And that my body used less energy laying still in a hospital bed staring at the ceiling rather than dreaming. That's what started it, we just don't know why It's continuing. We think maybe something biological happened when I was really sick with the anorexia 

[PlantLover]

Thanks @Snowie 

[greenpea]

@PlantLover  Hmmm interesting. Can I ask what mi you have? Reason I am asking is that I would love to be med free but my pdoc is refusing saying I would go psychotic and it would be worse than before I have schitzo affective although another pdoc says I have bipolar I I also suffer from post traumatic stress trauma.

My pdoc actually said I would end up on depot injections! Love peaxx