Heya @Ri_Ri, WELCOME! Even though you've just ended up here, I'm glad you're here. I hope you find the community a super welcoming place ❤️ I'm TuxedoCat, one of the peer workers here. Thank you so much for sharing your experience here. Even though I don't experience DID, a lot of what you've said has really resonated with me so I wanted to jump in anyway.
I hear you, about being dissatisfied with non-reciprocal relationships and how gender impacts the way trauma is viewed. These big systems really do change our individual experiences hey.
It sounds like the work you've been doing on yourself to cope and recover has been fulfilling, and effective. I love your line "It was hard, but a therapist can't be there for you as often as you can be there for yourself." I might be wrong, but it sounds like you've learnt to become really independent in your own care. Has that been tiring?
Like @tyme said, I wonder if you've got some other supports in your life to speak to. I wonder how it might look to add this to your "toolbox" for when things get a bit tough for yourself?
And with your relationship, I noticed that you talk about sharing this information with your partner like it will take away from your relationship somehow. And I really relate to what you said about keeping it to yourself contributing to shame. And this doesn't have to actually change what you do, but I wonder if sharing this (or even some parts of this) with your partner could change the relationship in a positive way? You know yourself best, so I can't answer, but I hope that it could.
take care and here with you,
TuxedoCat
