@Shazz66 Yes you do feel numb, you will feel a huge range of emotions. I wasn’t able to show my grief, I had an 11 year old and a 6 year old that needed attention and some sense of normality. My husband would get upset and feel guilty if he saw me upset so I couldn’t show any emotion in front of him. My parents were falling to pieces, they had/have a huge presence in my kids lives and the loss was very hard for them, and I felt like I had to be strong for them.
My friends completely dropped out of my life, pretending they didn’t see me in the street, walking into the supermarket aisle and then turning around and walking straight out of it when they saw me, pretending they hadn’t seen me at all. Invitations to anything stopped completely. It was an incredibly lonely time. There was absolutely no support for me at all and I feel like I’ve never really grieved for my son, and I know that is having an impact on me now.
Physically I felt so uncomfortable for a long time. The best way I can explain it is like waking up in the morning, taking off your pj’s that you’ve worn back to front all night, just to put your clothes on back to front and then at the end of the day taking these clothes off and
putting your pj’s back on back to front - I was never comfortable in my own skin.
It takes time but you will start to feel normal again - it won’t be the same normal as before, it will be a whole new normal. You’ll never forget your child, and you’ll start to remember all the great things about them and not the awful event that took them away.
I have 12years between now and my loss but I still remember those first few days, weeks, months and years. Time will move slowly at first and then you’ll wonder where all that time went. Please take care of yourself and know there is support here, particularly if you don’t have it at home. ❤️❤️
