Christmas party brain explosion

[Former-Member]

Feeling really ungrounded and rattled after a social overload last night. I have PTSD and have been doing my best to try to stay socially connected since I've been unable to work for a long time now and can easily fall into self-isolation. I've been involved in a community club where I've got to know quite a few people albeit for limited times and superficially. They had a Christmas party last night so I got brave and went along. OMG - talk about sensory overload!! It was an enormous amount of work for me to try to talk to one or two people at a time but it was horrendous doing this with so much background noise, interruption, and struggles trying to remember names of so many people popping up all the time. I'm pretty good at faking it in controlled conditions but I just felt so overwhelmed that after a couple of hours I really thought I was going to have a brain explosion and do or say something that would blow the whole charade permanently. I feel like people picked up that I was fraying around the edges so I left the party by just slinking out. I can't stop thinking about it all today. I'm pretty sure I "got away with it" but I can't help but feel so defeated and hopeless. I really can't imagine ever getting to the point where I can handle something like that again. Interested to hear others' experiences. Anyone else been through this?

[greenpea]

@Former-Member  Hi ChaiMaker I generally go to the Christmas parties where there is dancing. I just spend my whole time dancing and dont have to talk with anyone. 🙂

[Former-Member]

Haha. I wish I could have sent you in my place! I feel really exposed and uncomfortable dancing. A few people kept hassling me to get up and at one point literally dragged me up there against my will, with everyone watching. I felt like crying or losing it at them. Quite triggering actually. 😞

[Appleblossom]

@Former-Member I have struggled with those kind of feelings in social situations all my life.  It is getting a bit better recently, but I am getting long in tooth, and so a long time in social struggle mode.

I like @greenpea  solution but have only found it works in select situations and I LIKE dancing.  

I reassure myself with the fact that I have managed work and study situations better than social ones. Ran book groups for 5 years, Was not brilliant at it, but def engaged with community values of inclusion, fun, and variety and fairness. 

Recently I have REALISED that socialising actually is supposed to mean having a good time and letting oneself unwind etc .... ha ha /// and that I am allowed to have a good time on my terms whatever that means.  Its def a work in progress, but seems to involve picking one's groups, as different demographics gell better than others.  I have also given myself permission to have a year of fun ... actually working out what I like and what I dont like.

I still get annoyed that those who are obviously well embedded and secure socially with lots of "friends" etc seem to get away with worse manners, than those on the margins.  Anyway that is my observation.  

Take Care

[Former-Member]

Hey @Former-Member yeah this is definitely a good one to raise, I think a lot of us can be confronted with a bit of sensory overload particularly in social situations. I sometimes think it's more common than not, even myself as somewhat of an extrovert can really struggle at an event if the vibe isn't right. I tend to lean on deep breathing and basic mindfulness, just focusing on my feet on the ground and setting the task of learning one new thing about the person I am chatting to. Do you do much mindfulness when you're out and about? Again, thanks so much for raising this discussions I do think it affects quite a few people.

[Former-Member]

Oh right, so I'm meant to "unwind" not "unravel"?? That's were I was going wrong! I do like the people who were at the party. They were just high spirited and it's possibly flattering that they felt I'd be fine with being dragged on to a dance floor. There about 70 - 80 people there (I probably knew at least half), which is just too overwhelming for me to manage for any length of time. I agree with your concept of picking the groups and I think size has as much to do with things as the demographics (which are still important of course). Thanks heaps for your insights. Good luck over the very silly season!

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Former-Member  for your support.  I think it's more about the sensory overload thing than the social thing per se. I'm usually fine with one or two people at a time, as there's just one conversation (or vibe) to manage. But when I'm focused on that, then someone else taps me on the shoulder to break my focus, then someone else waves at me in the distance, and there's music playing, other conversations at the same table and other tables etc etc - my head explodes!  I'd dearly love to be able to be mindful in that situation, but there are waaaay too many competing distractions. Maybe I just need to accept that I can't "do" parties and large groups. I had a really interesting conversation once with someone who told me she's on the autism spectrum and she said she has the same issue with sensory overload in these sorts of situations. I think there are some interesting overlaps with PTSD symptoms.

[Appleblossom]

Love your sense of humour @Former-Member 

Glad you generally liked the people and identified the problem as over whelm more than anti social ... I think that is an important distinction to make.

I identify as PTSD and on spectrum tho not offically diagnosed, and discovered that even mentioned lightly with a sense of humour some people do not like those concepts ... Ah well ... thats Life.

[Former-Member]

Aha! Then you sound like a very multi-faceted and interesting character, @Appleblossom ! Perhaps too rich a meal for "some people", but hey, that's their loss. 

[frog]

Hi @Former-Member I don't think we've met. I think you deserve a medal for braving a big party like that! I really cannot do parties, which is a bit of a bother at this time of year. Some of them (work) are impossible to aviod. I also don't dance. Or at least if I have, I was so sozzled that I can't remember.

I get imposter syndrome big time re being a regular human being  But yes, the sensory overload is very anxiety provoking. The noise alone... so many voices and so many conversations...I'm sure there are a more than a few of us, but the nature of the experience is the fear that you're the only one. 

Does anyone have winding down strategies for after the event?

@Appleblossom @greenpea @Former-Member