Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Catk]

This is my first time here, I'm not very good at sharing feelings with anyone but I'm just so tired. I can't remember the last time I had any real sleep, I just lay here for hours thinking, constantly thinking. So many mistakes made, can't seem to think clearly anymore. I can see my life falling apart and it's my own fault the harder I try to fix things the worse it seems to get. I know I should see a counsellor but the last time I tried I just felt worse and felt sick leading up to each session. Is that normal? I've tried medication many years ago and that didn't go well. I know I need something, I just don't know what.

[NikNik]

Hi @Catk

Welcome to the forums, I'm really glad you found us.

I'm sorry to hear things didn't go well with the counsellor before. What was it about them that made you feel sick - was it nerves? How did you find them as a person?

You mentioned you felt sick in the lead up to the session, how did you feel after them?

In my experience, every counsellor /psychologist/ GP / psychiatrist is different. It can take some 'shopping around' to find some one you click with. 

Are you caring for someone at the moment too, which is why you posted this in the Carers Forum?

Hope that's not too many questions 🙂
I hope you're travelling better today. 

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Catk,

Thought you might like to check this thread out, 'Night Shift'. It's in the Lived Experiences Forums, and its an conversation for people having difficulties sleeping at night. You might want to contribute to that thread. There's usually a couple of people on there to keep you company and share thoughts during the odd hours of the night. 

CB

[Kiera80]

Hi @Catk

I have a sibling who also has a problem with sleeping.  It just doesn't seem to happen.  We aren't sure why.  Night time is when the brain should be resting but it keeps ticking over and over and over and it's hard to find an answer to fix the problem.

Have you thought about giving yourself a clean slate to start new from?  Every day is a new day where you can start again.  Decide to leave the mistakes behind.  The past does not dictate what lies in your future.

If I ever have a massive stressful day I use visualistation when I go to bed.  When my head hits the pillow I picture a big black board in front of me with all the crap from the day on it and I grab the eraser and wipe it all away until the black board is clean again.  That's my new start for the next day.

Have you tried taking anything to help you fall asleep?  If you don't want to go with drugs there are plenty of natural things on the market that are supposed to help.

Maybe you need to start just taking little steps in what you do each day.  Don't tackle too much and don't let the worries fill your mind all the time.  You can choose what you think about.  It takes practice but it does work.

I think it would be a good idea to see another counsellor.  What others have written about shopping around is so true.  I've been there myself and went through 4 counsellors before finding someone I felt some sort of peace with.  Don't give up on finding someone.  Have a phone chat first if you can so you get a feel of how they can help you.  There really are some great counsellors out there.

You could even try some phone counselling with someone, perhaps a call to Beyond Blue for example would be a good start.  You get to stay in the comfort of your own home and won't feel sick when you have a session.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi Catk

When the worries of my situation interfere with my sleep patterns, I grab my earphones and plug in some gentle music.  I like contemporary piano music like Richard Clayderman, but whatever you find relaxing might be a good idea.  It gives your mind something else to focus on.  

I found when the anxiety level in our household was really high, just by switching on that music I found I had developed a calming response to it.  It gives me an emotional "time out" almost instantly.

My grandfather studied behaviour modification as a part of his career.  He handed down some fantastic advice that can keep that panic away when you're stressing about the effects of lost sleep on your body's systems - here's the secret:

If you close your eyes, relax all your muscles to the best of your ability, breathe deeply and slowly as if you were sleeping, it gives your body a half-sleep.  In other words, an hour of doing that gives your body the same returns as if you had half an hour's "real" sleep.  So multiply that out - 4 hours half-sleep equals two hours real-sleep, and you are doing something towards supporting your health through this time.

It was useful in raising kids, I can tell you !  Every time I got that that "I can't sleep" excuse to play up at night, I would tell them to "fake it till you make it".  I would sit in the room with them and tell them to try to convince me they were asleep.  It didn't take long until they actually were asleep.   Afternoon naps were a choice of doing that, or playing very quietly on their bed for an hour.  At least they were taking time out to rest.

In your case, the half-sleep for a few hours at night might start to trip over to real-sleep at some point, even if it's a combination of both for some time.  It's still giving yourself permission to rest and calm your mind.

I hope that helps.  All the best 🌺

[Appleblossom]

I love the idea of telling kids to try and convice you that they are asleep .. if I get grandkids .. I will remember that one ... thanks