Blaming Myself

[Oaktree]

It came out tonight that my son has been suffering from anxiety for some time and now it is really bad! He was struggling to breathe tonight the anxiety was so bad. He is three days into a new job which is not stressful at all and he was happy to get out of retail and customer service! Now this!!! I feel like it’s my fault because I was diagnosed with mental illness at 19 and I went ahead and had kids anyway. Up to now none of them have shown any signs of mental illness. I feel so helpless and I don’t know how to help him. We are going to make a doctors appointment and get him a mental health plan. At least he is open to getting professional help.

Meggle

[NatureLover]

Oh @Oaktree , I'm sorry to hear this and that you are blaming yourself 😞

I think it's an advantage that you are familiar with mental illness and know exactly what to do to help him. I think if he had parents like mine, who think mental illness is taboo and refuse to acknowledge it, that would be a million times worse for him. 

I hope you can take it easy on yourself...

[FloatingFeather]

Hey @Oaktree, 

I really feel for you. Please don't blame yourself. I have no doubt there are millions of people that didn't have a mental illness when they had their children and their children suffer from anxiety.  I think it's more to do with society and the pressures of life today. Being a young adult in this day and age would be pretty hard on anyone I think.

I completely agree with @NatureLover. Your insight into mental illness is an asset - you get how hard it can be from a lived experience.

I also have a young adult son who went through anxiety last year.  In addition, throughout the years I too have suffered from acute anxiety. Being able to sit with him and ask him how he was thinking and feeling from a position of knowing really helped him.  It meant he didn't have to explain himself, I got it. I've lived it. It also meant I had a better idea of how to manage it before it got worse.

It's great that you are so quick to respond and are already planning to go to the doctor. I really feel the longer anxiety is left untreated the worse it may get so well done to you for being so on top of that. I also think it's great that your son is open to professional help.

Take care of you and your son. Sounds like you're a great mum to me 🙂

FloatingFeather

[Former-Member]

Hi @Oaktree 

I 100% agree with @NatureLover and @FloatingFeather.

You're doing a great job of caring for and supporting your son. The fact that he's been able to open up and share how he's been feeling with you shows he feels safe and trusts you. Your strength lies within being able to empathise with how your son is currently feeling and being familiar with navigating the mental health system is a huge advantage.

I also do think it's important to acknowledge that anxiety creeps up on us all over time and in varying forms, for some, it's a temporary experience and for others, it can be longer-lasting. It's great you've been able to take the first steps in organising your son's mental health plan and it's really good to hear he's open to getting help too.

I thought for when the time is right, it might also be handy to have some resources available for you both to look through together. In my experience, I like to have a good idea of what areas the therapist specialises in to see if they might potentially be a good fit and where they might also be located to ensure it's easy to navigate. 

Find a psychologist: https://psychology.org.au/find-a-psychologist
Find a psychiatrist: https://www.yourhealthinmind.org/find-a-psychiatrist

Please go gently with yourself, you're doing a great job @Oaktree 🙂

Sirius✨

[Oaktree]

Thank you @NatureLover @FloatingFeather @Former-Member your messages today have helped. Parenting is hard sometimes and sometimes you just feel helpless. He is doing much better today although he was feeling very flat. He has an appointment with our family doctor on Tuesday.

Meggle

[Christheart]

@Oaktree 

Don't blame yourself, dear Meggle. 

People with anxiety can still live fulfilling lives. It's very very common during teenage years!!! 

I wish I could give you a big hug. 🫂 

[Oaktree]

Thanks @Christheart 

Meggle