Being pointed in the right direction

[justcoz]

Hi

I dont know if it is just me but I have so much trouble trying to work out where to post.Quite a lot of times I have come here just to have a chat and have no idea where to post it.

So if this is the wrong spot I am sorry,

Would anyone know where i can get some help with how and the best way to cope and try and be there for my son that goes on a bender with drugs approximately every 3 months,It does my head in , sends my anxiety threw the roof and then i just want to curl up under a rock.

I think I am quite supportive with him but this last time I am just angry with him and have had enough as my health is suffering, I just dont want to talk to him, but then I feel guilty.

That is a pattern with me too , I understand then i seem to be pushed over the edge and want to not talk to him, then I seem to calm down he gets better then we are off again, I have said that he needs some professional help but he always says he is handling it.

Trying to be diplomatic and find the right way to talk to him is a nightmare. As He can be a bit nasty to me but I dont think he realises that he is being like that.

Thanks for reading.

[Carlo]

Hi @justcoz 

Takes a little while to navigate, but it is very worthwhile.  It's great to be able to put it out there and get different perspectives/views on your issues/thoughts in a confidential and secure forum.

[Historylover]

I'm sure others will be along shortly @justcoz, but I'm just writing to make sure you don't feel overlooked.

As for posting in the right place–I've been here for some time and am still finding my way around. I generally just do as you have done–just start a new conversation.  When I'm stressed, keeping it simple for posting is best for me.

As for your son, I have no advice as this is not something I have had to deal with but I can see you have tried every approach. It's a lot for any ordinary person to know how to deal with for the best. 

I can only let you know you've been heard. You are obviously very strong and sensible. I expect this will not be a quick fix. I send you best wishes, and just wish I could be of greater assistance. 

Others will be along soon. Take care.

[wellwellwellnez]

It can be tricky picking a posting branch. Your issue does span a few topics. Maybe more of a "family friends and carers" thing, but having said that it's so much harder to guide another ship when your own anchors get out of whack. And by oh boy, that is such a thing that can happen.

I find, from study and experience, that the concepts of "acceptance" and "control" are heavily tested. Acceptance and control can contradict each other but they also need each other. I'd say both are premium, for everyone involved, when it comes to creating recovery conditions.

Direction-wise, there's a service called Family Drug Support. I've turned to them before and in my experience they were pretty amazing. They put things in perspective which helped me so much in getting a grip on the situation.

https://www.fds.org.au/   1300 368 186

[justcoz]

thank you for your kind words.

[Former-Member]

Hey @justcoz, thank you for sharing your story ❤️ I can hear that you care so much for your son, but that you're a little worried about your own reactions to what's happening. I'm sorry it's happening this way. 

Firstly, do you have supports around you for when you're feeling extra anxious or angry about this? It sounds like you've been carrying a heavy weight lately ❤️ 

Secondly, can you tell us a bit more about you being supportive? I'm so glad to hear that you are and I wonder what conversations with you son have been like? 

This might not resonate with your son, but from my own experience, I used to use partying as a form of escape from my own mental health challenges. I wonder if you think this could be the case? 

Whatever the underlying reason, I wonder if having a conversation with your son about reducing the possibility of harm could help ease your anxiety (because you know he is safer) and also help him feel comfortable to talk with you? Here are some resources on that

• Family Drug Support - letter to family and friends
• Fact sheets for discussing drug use and harm reduction with family and friends

If you're up for it, you and your son could chat to a family GP about this too? 

Is there anything here which is useful for you?

[justcoz]

Hi @Former-Member 

Thanks for the reply.

No supports just me ,I dont socialise with humans they do my head in, I have a besty who i regularly talk to on phone ( she is in another state) but both of us are at stumps to know what to do.

First off I believed him when he said he was handling it and I thought he Only does it approx every 3 months, not really a full blown addict, How wrong was I). I Just would talk to him not put him down ,Listen to him, tell him I would always love him but sometimes i am dissappointed in his behaviour.Try to point him in the direction of counselling but he would always say he has it under control.I have never said to him that he is an addict. I think coz i didnt think he was.

This last bender was a doozy, I got a tad angry with him and said something to him but it was his reply that got to me. I thought the bender was over but alas it wasnt he missed some work ,I borrowed him some money coz i thought it was over since learnt that it wasn,t. He usually is very honest with me thats why i borrowed him the money. And He got demoted at work .

We have spoken about how it is the drugs that ends his Jobs.

I started to watch a video for family drug support and was so shocked as what the parents were saying that there kids tell them is exactly what he has been telling me. That was rather a large eye opener.

I do think carefully when I am talking to him about this as I can be rather direct I sorta call a spade a spade but i have learnt that is definitely not the way to go here.

So I sit here with my worry ,anxiety and panic attacks and want to curl up under a rock as its not good knowing that your son is a addict and you dont know what to do for him or you.

So hard to put it into words.

[Former-Member]

@justcoz wanting to curl up is a totally natural response something this scary ❤️ 

It sounds like you have been so thoughtful in your conversations with your son. 

I'm wondering if you'd feel up for calling the SANE hotline or the Family Drug Support hotline for some advice on what to do next? 

Our special community can support you to a point, but I think your situation maybe needs a bit of specialised support. 

The Family Drug Support number is 1300 368 186.

The SANE line is 1800 187 263

What do you think?

[justcoz]

Thanks @Former-Member .

I just re read my post I made myself sound like a saint which I definitely am not.

i just know if this keeps up i will end up in that rather large hole that we get ourselves into.

And i know it is tough for him coz when he is coming down the way he talks about himself is heartbreaking to hear.

So I dont want to wipe him off but i dont know if i can support him . 

Did not think i could ring Sane and I have rang support lines when i have been in dark places and its hit and miss with them but I am really thank full that you are Listening to me . 

I will give them a ring .

[Former-Member]

Me and the rest of the forums are here to listen @justcoz 

And yeah, I know a lot of us can find phone lines hit and miss. I'm glad to hear that you'll give the SANE one a go.

You are SO strong and loving of your son, even if you don't feel like a saint all the time. You feelings of anger might be coming from a place of feeling helpless. So hopefully some more skills, support and information can help you feel less helpless. 

Keep us updated ❤️