Am I really a victim?

[Catiepiller]

I have been seeing a therapist for a couple of years now but I feel that the relationship has changed now and I don't feel like I'm making any real progress anymore. I'm currently looking into other options to see if there is something a little more trauma focused that I could benefit from. I hate feeling like I can't be the person I want to be because of the choices someone else made

[Bow]

Hey @Catiepiller  just reading through your recent posts....

i think it's pretty common for survivors to do just that, survive for many years before it all hits your like a ton of bricks. It's our brains, our body's way of coping, or perhaps you had no one safe to tell or just couldn't tell anyone. I put a lid on some of my abuse for many years. I was strong and got on with life until it all fell apart. 
one of my abusers is also dead too. I know that he got his life right with God just before he died and always wondered if he acknowledged what he did to me, cause he did it and then carried on as if nothing happened for years. I have no doubt he did stuff to other people too. I think some times I wish I had said something then, reported him. But I was only a kid, I really had no clue. 

I really hope that you are able to connect with a new therapist soon and that they can help you process through what has happened to you so that you can not feel like that victim anymore, but a survivor... I also like the word overcomer too 🙂 

[outlander]

hi @Catiepiller  and welcome

well done for reaching out, i know that can be quite a scary thing to do. 

I have this in my past too unforutunatley however i dont like to call myself a victim. I would rather call myself and others in this same situation a survivor. I feel its more fitting, whilst these circumstances are extremely awful and we might have to manage all of our ptsd symptoms for a lifetime, we survivied what happened to us. 

The thing with our brains is, its very good at compartmentalising things especially traumatic things. We become so accumstomed to 'ignoring our emotions' or 'wearing the everythings ok mask' that sometimes we forget that we need to care for ourselves too. 

I was wondering if you have any supports in place like a psychologist, or a good dr that you could speak to? Its hard to talk about but it may be worth getting these supports. For myself i found the trauma to hard to talk about so i foccussed on getting help on ways to cope, and moving forward. Perhaps this might suit you as well or you may choose to share your story outright and work wit it that way, theres no right or wrong way to heal from trauma or any mental health condition. 

[Former-Member]

I am also hurt by the mental health effects of the trauma of being sexually harassed. I prefer 'survivor' over victim but yet to be convinced to feel this way.

As these happened in important parts of my life, they had me confused about whether (and how) to walk away from relationships that provide in other ways (emotionally and in tangible ways) - and these experiences continue to be confusing, at those trigger time. 

Being hurt my people close has made me believe "life" is more than not, solitary, unpredictable and hurtful, but I try to use this to empower myself to be independent of all external treatment.

Yet I am glad to find a friend in these support networks.