I've been drinking a lot and I know that's not a good idea but I convince myself otherwise. I got really drunk last night and acted like an idiot and said really hurtful things to people I care about and I'm really embarrassed and ashamed. I'm so confused about what's real and what's a dream, everything overlaps and it doesn't feel real. I'm just so sick of feeling sad and anxious and I just want it all to stop. I'm sick of hurting my partner it makes me feel like a monster. I don't want to tell anyone I'm thinking about ending it all because I don't want to end up in the hospital. And I probably wouldn't do it anyway it just seems like the best option for me right now. My boss who I thought was supportive reported to the big boss that I wasn't coping with my job and I have anxiety about losing my job (which is not true) so I feel like she's breached confidentiality and twisted the truth to make me look like bad at work
@outlander
