The Definition Of Friendship? Your views.

[Denv12]

Here's something to think about.What makes a person a friend?A real friend? What qualities should anyone have that makes someone a good friend and even a best friend? Lets set the standards for friendship.What constitutes friendship? Think back throughout your life.Think about about your friends you knew in your lifetime.What qualities did they have? What is a deal breaker to you? What wont you tolerate from a friend? Over the years people come and go.Good friends treat each other right.

I read a great book by Loraine Smith-Hines called:

"Toxic friends:a practical guide to recognising and dealing with unhealthy friendships".

I highly recommend the book.We all should read that book.

I hope you'll share your points of view.Thank you.

Regards Denv12.

(I've been busy writing lately).

Update 4/11/2019:

Thank you to each of you for your amazing replies.We all need friends and standards too.They go together.

Regards Denv12.

[greenpea]

@Denv12  I have one true friend. I told her my worst and she hugged me and told me I was a good person. We are the best of friends. We do things together like the gardening. I help her and she helps me. We walk together most mornings and she makes me laugh. I probably dont make her laugh as I am more serious but that is okay to be different. I would love more friends like her but if I only ever have one as good as her I will be content. I wish everyone a friend like my dear neighbour 🙂

[greenpea]

I would also like to add my online friends on Sane have helped me so much over the past couple of years I wouldnt be here without them. I love my Sane friendships and value them highly. Love peaxxx

[BryanaCamp]

Good friend: reciprocates emotional support, doesn't just take it. Celebrates the good times with me when someting good happens or I achieve a success. Is empathetic and a good listener during the tough times, when something bad happens. Has time for me & makes me a priority in their schedule. I feel better for their company.

Bad friend: exploits my kindness & empathy, takes a lot of emotional support & gives none back. Does not celebrate my successes, instead quickly changes the topic back to them, it's "all about them". Does not support me during tought times, is a bad listener & quickly changes the topic back to them. Has no time for me, flakes & cancels at the last minute, only has time for me when they want to milk me for sympathy & exploit my kindness & listening skills. I feel violated or used after their company.

[Appleblossom]

I really like this thread. Agree with you all @Denv12 @greenpea @BryanaCamp  I am learning re my own friendships and also learning about the possible lack of depth in some friendships I see around me.

[Teej]

My definition of friendship  -  the type of friendship I need/have

• someone whose company you enjoy
• someone who shares some common interests. 
• Someone who doesn’t make you feel alone when you are with them
• someone who you build trust with over time. (Berne Browns marble jar)
• someone who meets your needs at times and you meet theirs. Sometimes that may be more one sided when someone is doing it tough but over the history of the friendship it is evened out.
• Someone that makes me laugh
• someone that you can talk the tricky stuff through with like boundaries
• someone who makes you feel good about yourself and you make them feel good about themselves
• someone you can equally share the good times and the bad times with
• No jealousy either way just positive support regardless of your situations. 
• Someone who will be there for you when you really need them, for me this can’t be a 24/7 thing but when you really need them. I think needing someone too much puts too much strain on a relationship. It’s good to have other supports in place too so as not to strain a friendship. 
• Lastly after watching the Tim Minchin speech @Appleblossom put up yesterday (💜💜💜 Tim Minchin) Be kind, just be kind. 

This all looks a but prescriptive but i guess it’s how my friends and I manage our relationships even through the bad stuff. Sometimes it’s wearing masks to help maintain the friendship and sometimes it’s raw and honest and messy. 

[Serenity1]

💯

[Shaz51]

hello @Serenity1 , @Denv12 , @Teej , @Appleblossom , @BryanaCamp 

a very good topic @Denv12 

I did have a really good friend but only when her boys were young

but when i got married 12 years ago we have drifted away

when we do meet , we have a wonderful time together but things have changed

and now i don`t have any lifetime friends

love my friends here on the sane forum xxx

[simontemplar]

being extreemly socialy phobic friends are something i just cant manage.  In the last year or two i have tried to be less phobic but the idea of friends is something i just (right now) cant get my head around. I have noticed people seem to hug alot these days, and men have this weird handshake where they...pull each other close and pat each other on the back (do tell me they are not burping each other)

[Maggie]

An interesting topic @Denv12 @simontemplar @Shaz51 @Serenity1 @Teej 

 I’ve never had a friend. We moved too much as kids to make any longtime friendships in schools. Adulthood brought too many pressures, and those I thought were friends, all walked away.

My hope would be if I did have a friend, that there would be respect for each other, on many levels. Fun times as well as serious sharing/caring. A genuine acceptance of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Someone who wouldn’t give up if/when the going gets tough, from both sides of the relationship.