Night Shift

[Former-Member]

Sorry to hear you had a panic attack & it derailed your plans for the day @Jacques....

Hope you have a productive evening with the renovations. Are the evenings easier for you? Lately I have been feeling worse in the late afternoons & evenings. 

I do set small goals & challenges for myself with running. The goal is a 10km in March NOT a marathon (42.2km's)! Depending on when we go on our holiday around Australia - I would like to do my 2nd half marathon (21.1km's) this year. 

Sometimes my partner tells me that he is walking on eggshells with me - thankfully, not lately! Your moods seem to change more rapidly than mine though. 

I lived on the Gold Coast from the ages of 10 to 21. I prefer the Sunshine Coast & would love to live there one day! Living anywhere near the beach would be wonderful! (Although when I'm on the Gold Coast I worry I'm going to run into people from the past who are associated with traumatic memories... I usually relax when I'm actually on the beach though!) 

Hope your sleep improves also!

Namaste,

Anna 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Jacques...

I'm paranoid that I've upset you now.... I hope you have just been resting & you get what you wanted done done tonight.

I feel terrible...

I really did a lot today (for me) - run , strength training, reading (not a novel, so more intense... The Body Keeps Score - about trauma...), laundry x 2 loads, dishes, made salad for dinner etc. How do people do that & work?? I wish I could work *sigh*

I feel shattered emotionally... 

Part of me actually hopes I'll have a headache tomorrow & not have to go to hot yoga & just lay in bed all day... *sigh* I'm not in a good head space. I've been doing more deep breathing & mindfulness exercises this week - my psychologist gave me a sheet of them.... Yet, still I'm here & I don't want to be here. Life is just so tiring. I must sound like a broken record... anxiety, suicidal, anxiety, suicidal - it doesn't end & I feel like I should probably just crawl away & hide from society (why am I posting this?) 

I'm waiting for my partner to come back to the cabin & put Offspring on. (The tv - dvd - is connected to a computer & I'm not tech savvy!) He has gone over to see his mum. Hopefully that will help me unwind a bit. 

Sorry...

(I am safe)

[Jacques]

Hi dear @Former-Member,

You have done nothing to upset me, i am fine tonight, i had a rest this afternoon and did get done what i wanted, well almost. please don't feel terrible, you never upset me. 

Yes i know the feeling of not doing enough, it is something we just have to come to terms with, we do what we can, allow ourselves to work at our own pace and don't be too harsh if things don't get done.

You have done a lot today, please try to see how much you have achieved 🙂

Is it possible you are pushing yourself too hard to try to prove your worthyness? i do hope you can rest a bit tonight.

Yes i know how hard it is to keep going @Former-Member, i feel like giving up all the time, i have isolated from society for 14 years, well 15 now, it does not make things better, in a way it probably makes things worse. would it be possible for you and your partner to go to the park with a picnic tomorrow, or go to a quiet cafe and have some brunch, just some time out, you seem so busy.  it might help recharge the batteries. 

Please try to distract tonight, it is good you are going to watch a tv show, if things start to spiral, reachout to lifeline or suicide callback service, i worry about you a lot, as i know the power of the dark thoughts.

stay strong @Former-Member, enjoy time with your partner, enjoy time with your fur babies. enjoy and focus on the simple things.

hugs, Namaste

Jacques

[Billamba]

Just wanted to share my excitment with you all... today I was accepted into uni. Four months waiting for an answer from the uni has paid off and moving home, although one of the hardest things I have done, has been worthwhile. 

Let the pre-study anxiety begin. 

[Mazarita]

Congratulations on getting into uni, @Billamba. That's great news!!!! Congratulations too on taking the steps needed to make your plans happen and for finding the resilience to weather the difficulties along the way. 

[Billamba]

Thank you for your support and kind words @Mazarita and everyone else too. This website and all of you guys has been monumental in helping me adjust into home (begin adjusting really, no where near adjusted or settled yet!) so thank you! 

[Former-Member]

Congratuations @Billamba no need to panic 😄 you'll be great! first year courses are good at easing you in and there are great options for study support too (at most uni's) for instance at CDU masters students offer to mentor first year students and the libraries offer great courses to help learn how to research/use the catalogues!

Good luck!

LJ

[Terry]

@Former-Member, i know i'm a broken record but call Lifeline (13 11 14).  You CAN get your life back on track but it's going to be under different terms to those of 'normal' people.  PLEASE don't compare yourself to others - 'normal' people have a LOT more support to do what they get done.  On the phone to Lifeline with you and/or online counselling (lifeline, beyondblue, headspace), or some other phone counselling service please, pronto.  I'm also a bit concerned that your partner doesn't seem to understand what you're going through but you can sort that out after you've gotten the help you need.  Keep calling lifeline until you feel better and are able to tackle your problems and have strategies to do so.  Don't worry about 'normal' people - they're a heck of a lot more blessed than they realise.  I hope this helps you.  I have said a prayer for you too.

[Former-Member]

Thank you @Jacques & @Terry....

My partner is very supportive & loving & keeps me safe. I was talking to him about my anxiety while making the salad & it helped.
The last time I rang lifeline they told me lifeline couldn't help me. I have had better luck with online support from beyondblue & lifeline. I just knew last night that what I needed was to shut of my computer & focus on something I enjoy. The simple things like what @Jacques said. I had a good sleep & feel 'okay' this morning. I will go to a cafe for a decaf soy piccolo with my partner after hot vinyasa yoga @Jacques - I'm glad you rested & got some work on the renovations done! I know I need to stop comparing myself to others.. I would love to finish my psychology degree + do a masters in sports psychology. Well done on being accepted into university @Bilamba - what are you going to study?

Namaste,

Anna

[Shimmer]

Glad you're feeling okay this morning @Former-Member 🙂 Enjoy going to the cafe with your lovely partner and hot yoga! Sports psychology would be a great area to study, where did your interest develop from?