Isolated

[Diatriber79]

Hi Lam, so funny your name is Lam as I knew a Vietnamese girl whose surname was Lam in uni. I think my mind is doing that travelling back thing at the moment but still! Thanks for your message, unfortunately I'm off work & my insurance says I'm not allowed to volunteer. I'm trying to find ways around it though.

[Diatriber79]

Hi Alessandra

Thanks for replying, I know it is sad because I'm trying to recognise finally that I'm a decent, funny'ish although shy person who deserves spending some time with people & connecting. So true about seinfeld, I remember years back when I was a student, & sick, I ended up watching a seinfeld marathon on foxtel & falling in love with it, just kind of conquered me slowly but surely. I remember that episode too, at least the writers recognised this issue can be out there. I'm not allowed to volunteer due to my work insurance agreement but am looking for other possibilities online. Thanks again 🙂

[Diatriber79]

Thanks NikNik, I'm unable to volunteer long story! [insurance] but I'm looking into online meetup groups at the moment, & just trying to rid myself of the anxiety that I'll be hurt, embarassed, something will go wrong etc. I think there's a heightened anxiety as I have been more isolated than usual in recent times & I have a lot of expectation on it. Your advice makes sense to me though, thank you.

[Diatriber79]

Thanks Chemonro, I'm curious about your name, it's interesting? That's a good idea, maybe I could join a book club & watch movies of the books 🙂 At least I'd learn how the intellectual amongst us truly speak. Church group isn't wrong, so long as you didn't confuse church for cult 🙂 -sometimes it's hard to tell! I used to be religious & then something just changed, but I remember praying as a little girl & feeling so safe & secure & part of a bigger meaning etc, almost a better feeling than chocolate! No be glad for your faith I guess I think it's a strength & wish I still had that. I'm looking at buddhism now though. Anyhow thanks for your advice.

[Diatriber79]

That's a shame. I was about to get sarcastic cos I'm not religious anymore but that would be so wrong. Obviously your instincts told you the strange things were not on & you backed out. Hope you've found someone out of the church environment then.

[Diatriber79]

Hi Kenny66

Thanks for those ideas they're great. I just have to get out from under myself figuratively speaking! And gather some confidence, or just sheer will to begin with, to do them. I'm not permitted to volunteer but I can find some ways around that. As I discovered when trying to have a kitten last year, I have serious allergies 😞 But that might be for the best cos I'm a super serious animal lover & probably treat my cockatiels too much like kids as it is [do not want to become 'crazy bird lady' :). So yes RSPCA would probably absolutely break my heart if I could attend & I'd want to bring every needy case home every night. Seriously good on you & anyone else who does that, all I can do is donate a small amount each month. I do wonder if sometimes I'm more comfortable with animals cos they're psychologically 'safer' but I think really it's just that they're innocent & need us so much. Anyhow thanks again for your advice!

[kristin]

Hey BG,

Even Christ recognised the faithfulness of people from different faiths. People who denigrate or demonise the faith of others might wear a label called "Christian" but that doesn't make them followers of Christ. It's the goodness that matters, not the "brand" - this judgemental attitude in "Christians" makes me so judgemental of them! (Which is hard work, as I need to examine my own attitude then.) It's usually born of ignorance and a very narrow world view. Sadly the churches have a lot to answer for, you're right - some are great at encouraging acceptance and openness to difference, and some are... bigoted.

So peace be with us all! I'll stop frothing at the mouth now, before someone thinks I've got rabies! 🙂

Cheers,

Kristin

[kristin]

Hey Diatriber,

I keep finding posts that slipped past me weeks ago, and finally getting around to reading and replying to them. Yours is one of them.

I hope you are finding the forum helpful for a growing sense of connection to others, even if we're all over the place geographically. 

Regarding making friends later in life - the answer is yes it is definitely possible. I have four really good friends and I met all of them since I turned 35. You will probably need to be both open and persistent.

My best friend had "too many friends" when I first said I'd like to get to know her better (and she did - dozens, more than a hundred!). But when she said she was too busy I just decided to persist quietly, not be a nuisnace - just not take offence and not disappear. We gradually got to know each other better and we have seen each other through so much. We laugh about her initial response now, and are both very grateful that I did persist. When she became very sick (MI also) most of those friends turned out to be acquaintances. We've been friends now for more than a decade, and gone through many ups and downs. A great gift is that we are able to be honest with each other, even when one of us has upset the other (however inadvertently).

Saying all this though I have to be honest, the person who was my best friend, at the time I when I first met my now-best-friend (I hope that makes sense), hurt me terribly by completely betraying my trust in a way that put one of my kids at risk at a time when I was seriously depressed. So it has been a long painful road learning about friendships - but worth it.

The other thing I should probably mention is to listen to your intuition. If you meet someone and they seem really lovely but your gut is saying "get me out of here" listen to that, if you meet someone and they seem a bit odd but your gut says "they are okay" wait and see. The times when I have made the biggest mistakes with people have been when I repeatedly overrode my gut sense that something wasn't right, until it was so in my face there was no denying it. 

Oh and I highly recommend a daily "stubbornness pill" for all of us who have a MI, because surviving with one takes a lot of (usually unrecognised) strength and determination. (Now Dr. K will shut up!) 🙂

Kind regards,

Kristin

[BatGuano]

Hey Kristin,

 Somewhere in the heavens there is a group of very dejected deities.  "That's not what I meant!"  they exclaim.  "I've been misquoted, taken out of context, that's just PR spin!"

Exposing a belief system to human weakness and base instincts is a depressing experience.  Fortunately there seems to be quiet voices of reason and hope as well.  Maybe its angels walking the earth.