Dealing with meltdowns/episodes

[May22]

Hi guys, hope everyone has been having a good day, was hoping to find some advice for my boyfriend tonight, he's admitted to me that my bpd episodes and my meltdowns when things aren't going my way or I'm not getting what I want are a bit too much for him to handle atm. Lil back story ive been battling with an addiction lately that's really been getting me depressed and stressed, ive been struggling alot and lashing out, as I'm quite co depend this really takes an impact on him, we are spending some time alone atm and I wanted to see if there was anyone that would have any advice or ways to cope with a mentally ill partner or people to talk to when it get tough, any advice is greatly appreciated 🙏🏽

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @May22 ,

I've battled meltdowns, fights, outbursts, dependence, addiction, SH... you name it, I guess i've experienced it in some shape or form. Arghhh... life of a borderline.

That is pretty much the past now. Looking back, my recovery was about setting boundaries. Boundaries that would keep both parties safe - not necessarily HAPPY, but safe.

These boundaries are usually discussed at times of calm when both can be reasoned with. Write these boundaries down. For example, 'when I am in a rage (beyond reasoning), I would like you to give me some calm-down time, then come back to check on me'; 'when I am upset, please don't tell me to have a bath'.

Set out what works for both of you. Re-visit these boundaries as often as you need to. If it's not working, revise it. If it is working, keep it.

See if that helps 🙂

Let me know if you have further questions, and I'll attempt to help you.

Take Care my fellow-friend,

BPDSurvivor

[NatureLover]

@BPDSurvivor , you always have such excellent advice! You truly are a treasure. 

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@May22 wrote:

I wanted to see if there was anyone that would have any advice or ways to cope with a mentally ill partner or people to talk to when it get tough, any advice is greatly appreciated 🙏🏽

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@May22 I'm wondering if you can also post your post on the SANE Forums' Friends, Family and Carers Forum...they might have some ideas? Just click on "Forums Home" at the top left, then scroll down a little way to the Friends, Family and Carers Forum. Good luck. 

[BPDSurvivor]

🙏 @NatureLover , I've lived a borderline's life for so long, in shouldn't keep any secrets LOL.

Thanks for your support @NatureLover 

[May22]

@BPDSurvivor Thank you for your response, I never seen it as "safety" boundaries, more like just trying to make sure each other are happy.. ahh the life of a borderline haha, I'm so glad I found this forum with you and many others I can reach out to 🙂 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @May22 ,

You are in a good place. The fact that you know something is not working is a start to making a difference.

Yes, boundaries are not just about making someone HAPPY. It must have safety in mind. For example, feeding a child lollies all day may make them HAPPY, but it is not safe. Now of course I'm not likening BPD to a child being fed lollies!

From experience, I remember I craved attention from the ONE i was obsessed with. The more I got attention, the more I wanted. This was not sustainable for either of us. In the end, as part of my recovery, I set the boundary that I will only contact them on certain days, at certain times and that they are NOT to be available 24/7. This hurt me, but in order to recover, I had to make this boundary work.

Hope that makes sense,

BPDSurvivor