When you're ready to let go of grief and loss

[Powderfinger]

It is the 7th year anniversary of my best friend's death in 2015 coming up in a few weeks. 

It took me a long time to accept he is no longer here. Those are facts now. He has been gone for seven years. Losing a best friend is a horrible ordeal. It was I suppose a traffic death  Tragic circumstances surrounding the reasons for his death. The truth is no one could save him. He was in so much pain from things that had happened in his life and he just could not get past it. 

He did not commit suicide. A heart attack killed him. That wasn't helped by extremely heavy drinking and mixing various strong medications with neat vodka. A few bottles a day. 

It was even harder as we lived together and he died while I was at home. I just did not know he had died. I was trying to take care of him. I know now it was not my fault he died. It has taken me a long time to get to that point but I've got there. 

So, usually every year I don't do much on the day of his anniversary. This year though I feel it's time to let go of allowing myself to grieve on that one day. I'm ready to let go of it. I need to find more happiness in my life, less reasons to grieve. I'm tired of talking about trauma, grief and loss constantly. 

Grieving has had its time now. I have accepted his loss. Since his death, I have not formed any friendships. I think it's time I did. Healthier, positive and mutually satisfying friendships. Not friendships where I have to fix, save or prop someone up nor talk about endless issues we are both having. It's time to change that too. 

I won't forget my best friend. It's that I'm ready to wake up on that day now and be happy instead of hurting and grieving anymore. I did all I could for him and went above and beyond for him. I loved him and I think he knew that. 

[Maggie]

@Powderfinger  Just letting you know I have read your post.

I will get back to you. I’m not a spontaneous person. It takes me time to think through things.

[Powderfinger]

@Maggie 

That is more than ok. Take your time. 

[Maggie]

@Powderfinger  I’m sorry you lost your best friend. It sounds like a good friendship between you both. I hope you will find other friends just as good.

Friendship is a gift I think. We don’t click with everyone, and when we do, it feel good on many levels.

Your life is moving in different directions now, time to ge good to yourself, and find some enjoyment.

I wish you all the very best.

[Powderfinger]

@Maggie 

Thank you, it was a good friendship mostly. I couldn't save him. I know that wasn't my fault nor was his passing my fault. I did everything I could. It was really hard towards the end. The only thing I regret is how angry I was with him the night before and the last words he heard from my mouth. Not quite over that part yet. 

Slowly, it's time to move on and enjoy life. Have to work through splitting with my partner too. I need so much time. 

[Appleblossom]

 @Powderfinger 

Thank you for sharing. Loss of your friend in that way would be a difficult, premature and complicated grief.  A lot of griefwork needed and done, the timing is really your right and your dignity to choose and let it evolve.  I lived in a world dominated by grief for a long time.  I still bring it conciousness in current times by referring to my grief garden.  As time passes, I find different ways to both value those I lost and value my being alive.  It can help looking online and take on creative ways that suit you. 

Take Care

Apple

[Powderfinger]

@Appleblossom 

Thanks for sharing. I'm in such an odd place with it all. I think I got tired of grief and tired that grief has been present in my life for an extremely long time. There are no bells and whistles, wisdom I wish to share, lessons I want to express, huge announcements I'm moving on, no self help books.i wish to write, I don't wish to become a life coach or anything else that one does amidst feeling such freedom. I simply just want to let go and move on. 

The grief itself is impossible to deal with because I will be dealing with it forever. The rest of my life. I have suffered enough. More than I actually should have. I have every right to be happy. 

Thank you for sharing your experience and what helped you. 

[Appleblossom]

@Powderfinger 

You do have a right to be happy. 

Step out and find those things that "float your boat." 

Moment of grief will return in unpredictable ways as well as the conscious things you may choose to do to respect your memory of the person and your feelings.

You def do have a right to be happy.

[Powderfinger]

@Appleblossom 

Thank you. I don't know how to express it. My recent split with my partner really changed something in me. I can't put it into words, nor do I want to. Just something in me said ENOUGH. 

I of course may remember him from time to time and may or may not do something. I've packed away what I have of is. It's just time to let go.