There are many things I've learned about myself and recovery in general terms over the years of mental health issues I have had
Maybe one of the most important is the reality that your experience (both positive and negative) is just one among many. This isn't to say that other people's experience is more important than mine or that mine is important than theirs.
What I am saying is that in the end, my experience is about the only thing I know the most about. Only I can be the one to determine lessons and important fundamental truths about myself from it.
I have for many years cared too heavily about what others think. This was based on an insecurity.
I cared too heavily about things that ultimately DO NOT MATTER. This was based on an outdated model of belief in religion.
I have recently got to the point after many experiences where I know think I value experience above all things. I have realised that I spent most of my 20s being too cautious and risk averse. I have realised that this was largely motivated by fear of things going wrong.
Part of my recovery journey has taught me that hurdles from the past that were never traversed could have been traversed. But I did not possess the social wherewithal at that time to see HOW those barriers could be traversed.
I sit there scrolling LinkedIn and ask myself all sorts of questions only to be depressed by the end result. But then a small modicum of hope comes through and sometimes that is the small light you need to carry on.
In my resignation letter from my old job that I left because it wasn't for me - I said that here's to more twists in the road and lessons going forward.
I guess in the end it is what it is.
Life is life
