Being real

[CherryBomb]

@PeppiPatty , how are you??

Kristin is indeed an incredibly insightful, creative and open person - a great role model for her kids. 

[PeppiPatty]

Hi @Cherrybomb,

hi,
I'm good. .....it's hard but learning to stop running around and take each day as it comes.
I'm still working one day per week though.
I am also a little volunteer work, helping writing letters for people who are in difficult situations with Government agencies ...
But mostly being alone and staying calm.

Sane forum helps so much. And dark chocolate with nuts sometimes also fruit.

[kristin]

Hi @Uggbootdiva 

It's so lovely to hear from you - well done for the self-care of cutting down on the forum presence. I'm really proud of you doijng that, it can be very hard to see that and then give youself that space. Something I also need to do when I am not well, especially manic or very stressed. 

Thanks for that info Diva - I didn't know that. There is a bruise (still there in spite of applying Hirudoid first thing the next morning - as it's good for reducing pain/bringing the bruising out quickly). It is above her knee. Unfortunately I don't know if the above-knee location shows properly on the photo I took (or if I will be able to access the photo) because I still don't know whether my phone is ok. I think I might have to ask a friend to take another photo today if my phone won't charge.

I have reported to Child First (which in my area is Anglicare) and they are calling me back on Monday. I was so distressed when my friend suggested them initially (on Wednesday) that I was having trouble keeping it straight in my head that they aren't child protection (I've heard more than enough about their "help", especially where parents have a MI, to know we don't want it!). The friend who supported me to make the call yesterday was able to clarify this for me when I was calm and could grasp it more securely. Child First and Child Protection are not so different sounding when you are distressed. 

As for him using my MIs: the reality is that would be a very fraught road to go down as he has the same diagnoses as I do (though he now claims he doesn't have bipolar which - from my observations and knowledge of his history - I don't find credible). I have a long history of seeking help when I need it, finding ongoing support (even when I have to look for years to find it), actively working on my MH including the childhood abuse (which in my experience is SO likely to unconsciouly raise its ugly head if you don't), I've never been sectioned, I've never been hospitalised for my MH. I am not boasting - by grace this is my reality - much of it driven by the fear of ending up in a hospital (one of the places I was abused as a child), and my terror of becoming a perpetrator (particularly of emotional abuse) if I didn't get help. Sadly he cannot claim any of these things. If he could we may not have got to this point.

I have looked closely at what I know of his history. I am reasonably confident I will be able to protect our daughter. I don't want to throw this stuff at him, but if he forces me to I will use what I must to protect her. I will not support anything which means she has to be in such an emotionally negative and abusive environment. 

I wrote this yesterday - a snippet of a poem (I guess in time there will be more):

The scales have fallen

from my eyes

So clearly now I see

the manipulation,

the emotional abuse,

the lies

Take care of you my beautiful friend. I hope things are a bit easeier for you now the kids are back at school. Caring for children 24/7 is very hard work - even when everyone's well and there are no disability issues. 

Kindest regards,

Kristin

[kristin]

@Uggbootdiva @Rick @kato @Alessandra1992 @peace @PeppiPatty @NikNik @CherryBomb 

Well my friends Diva was spot on. He has tried to use my MI against me. 

But to start from where I left off: I had a call back from Child First on Monday morning, talked for about an hour explanined everything as briefly as I could including the MI situation (both mine & his). They were very good, suggested that I take my little girl to the gp for independent verification of the bruising, also offered to arrange some ongoing parenting support at the moment (through one of 2 agencies in the area) which I said yes to.

So I immediately made a gp appointment for yesterday after school. Not my usual gp who's in the process of retiring - someone I've seen just once before, she is very good (same doc we saw when I took my ex to the doctor last year & then to hospital). We went, and of course she had to report it to CPS. Which I should have seen coming but am so blind-sided by this whole thing that I am struggling to think more than one step ahead. So it was a shock. We were there for about an hour because she was given the wrong number to call and then was put on hold for ages. She wanted me to take my girl to hospital emergency and I refused. Distressful for the little one and a waste of hospital resources, all for a nearly gone bruise. So I had to sign a piece of paper saying I refused. 

Anyway last night when I was about to serve dinner I got a call from SOCIT. I was a bit surprised they were so quick, and I asked if he could call back later after the girls were in bed. No problem he called back at 9pm. He kept talking about an anonymous report, and I couldn't figure that - I said we'd been to the gp and she had reported it so what's with the anonymous bit? So then he started asking me questions and I told him briefly as I could, answering his questions. I think the ground has shifted here very significantly since poor little Luke Batty was killed. He listened, and I probably better not go into what he said they were doing but I said I would co-operate as fully as I can with that. 

Found out today from a mutual friend that my little one's dad said I'd been emotionally abusing our daughter because of my PTSD. I'm fairly sure this is where the "anonymous" report came from. Now it makes sense why SOCIT rang so quickly. It wasn't in response to the gp's call. This is not the first time my ex has done this he did it once before (a couple of years ago) using my elder daughter that time. Foolish man seems to be digging a hole for hiimself. I was very distressed about it this morning, and have tried to ring the SOCIT guy back to let him know about the history stuff. I am feeling a lot calmer this afternoon/evening, and my sense is that this will work out for the best. So I'm hoping -

because hope endures...

Kind regards,

Kristin

[peace]

Oh @kristin huge stressy stuff. So pleased to hear that you've retained your strength I so admire you. Not easy stuff at all. This is playing with little children's feelings. Blessings for a good day.

[kato]

Hello @kristin How are you travelling my friend?

I see your ex is trying to make things difficult, but if i read it correctly, you are already on the positive side with the different organisations?

Hopefully all will be well and the tension and stress will back off for you.

Take care and keep in touch 🙂

Kato

[kristin]

Hi @peace 

Thanks.

I have spent a lot of the day on the phone to SOCIT, the local police and Michaela's therapist; and chasing details for an intervention order. I am trying to do what I need to do with integrity and love, and look after self-care too.

You know I think I'm in one of those "being carried" Footprints spaces at the moment. Somehow in the midst of the mind-whirling activity I'm mindful of not getting manic, and of the future needing to be held in view. I can trust God to carry me because, like hope, his love endures.

Kind regards, 

Kristin

[NikNik]

Hope & love does certainly endures.

I admire your ability to take charge of a really complicated and hard situation. You're an amazing mother.

Nik

[kristin]

Hi 

I haven't posted about things for a while because initially there was so much going on so quickly, and since then some other huge stuff has happened which I will post about sometime - probably in the school holidays when I have some breathing space.

I got a phone call from SOCA again this afternoon. My youngest's dad has made a false report - alleging a neighbour abused our daughter in front of us both just a few days before I made him leave. The report is such a pack of lies I was almost speechless. It was just full of holes. This is not the first time he has done this either. The last time I threw him out nearly 3 years ago he did the same thing. Accused my ex-husband of abusing my older daughter.

As far as I'm concerned these things are driven by two things: first him trying to undermine me, he knows there is not much which scares me more than the prospect of one of my kids being abused; and second because he's insanely jealous and possessive and this is his way to get at any guy he thinks is remotely interested in me (even if I'm not remotely interested in them).

So now I have to go into SOCA to be interviewed on Thuirsday morning, before my psych appointment. At least I think they get what I told them about the allgations. As if I or my former partner would sit there and do nothing whilst someone abused our child in plain sight! The very idea makes me feel ill! I would have thrown the person out and called the police, my ex would have beat them up or at least tried to.

So I am absolutely shattered at the moment. I'm off to have an early night, and hopefully more than 5 hours sleep.

Hope for being able to live in peace endures...

Kind regards, 

Kristin

[PeppiPatty]

dearest @kristin

Thinking about you.......it's really good to read your updates.
brings back memories of those feral days.........
If
I knew you, Ide come over, make you stay in bed for the morning, ( after changing sheets on the bed) get your children off to school and make you tea in bed......can you imagine us all there???