Supporting and promoting the well-being of mental health carers and their families.
Mental Health Carers Austalia.
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23-09-2015 11:08 AM
23-09-2015 11:08 AM
Yes, I'm new too...... I'm
Yep I'm new too.
It would seem that my husband and I have hit rock bottom in recent times. After 20 years of looking after and loving him, with DEPRESSION, I finally told him that we need to start thinking about living separately for a period of time. The long term future is unknown.
So, I 'm done! To put it bluntly! I need to look after myself!
I honestly never thought that I would have that conversion with him and it has taken 5 years to say those words. I feel immensely relieved and saddened that there is no turning back now.
And coincidently he was admitted to a Psychiatric clinic for a 2 week stay this week. His first visit . ( Which coincidentally was organised weeks ago.)
Things happen for a reason!
So it is on woods and up woods from here I hope.
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23-09-2015 12:47 PM
23-09-2015 12:47 PM
Re: Yes, I'm new too...... I'm
Hi @Lamington,
On behalf of the moderators here in the SANE Forums, I would like to welcome you.
The role of carers within our community is both vital, and unfortunately under appreciated and accknowledged. Please know that you are not alone on this journey, and that self care is paramount to being able to remain in the caring role- whatever the capcity may be.
I wish you well on your journey, and I hope that the peer support you encounter on the forums is of benefit.
Best of luck,
Jojo
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23-09-2015 10:01 PM
23-09-2015 10:01 PM
Re: Yes, I'm new too...... I'm
Hi @Lamington
Sounds like a new beginning for you. Isn't it amazing how the ending a relationship can bring both sadness and relief. It's a mish mash of emotions, but it's good to hear that you are looking after you. If you can't do this, who will?
Sometimes I think that staying with loved ones and caring for them, picking up the pieces, provides little incentive for them to pick up the pieces themselves. I hope I don't sound to harsh here, because I do understand how tough it can be for some. But I do wonder where is the line between support and enabling??
Anyhoo @Lamington, glad that you have join the Forums. What are your plans now?
Talk soon,
BeHappy
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24-09-2015 05:23 PM
24-09-2015 05:23 PM
Re: Yes, I'm new too...... I'm
Welcome @Lamington
Some would find it easier to stick with their partner at the cost of their own mental health - which serves nobody well. It's great that you made that boundary for yourself.
I hope you're travelling okay.
If I remember correctly, @Jacob101 separated from his partner when things became unsafe - any tips for Lamington?
@Lamington - I'd be keen to hear how you're travelling - BeHappy raised some interesting questions to think about.
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24-09-2015 10:36 PM
24-09-2015 10:36 PM
Re: Yes, I'm new too...... I'm
Yep I'll agree with that.
Often wondered whether I'm doing tooooo much and that is not such a good thing. It is all such a dance !
So at the moment we have hit the bottom which is good actually because now we are forced to get back up and sort out the mess of our lives. But it is just SOOOOOOOOO DAMN SAD. ABSOLUTELY UTTERLY RUBBISH!
Husband is in THE CLINIC now for next few weeks So far so good.. I feel very relieved that he is finally getting the intensive help that he (we) need. But sad for him because he is sick and I just feel sad generally at the moment.
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26-09-2015 10:10 AM
26-09-2015 10:10 AM
Re: Yes, I'm new too...... I'm
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01-10-2015 09:44 PM
01-10-2015 09:44 PM
Re: Yes, I'm new too...... I'm
Welcome to the forums @Lamington. So sorry to hear about your sadness. MI can put so much strain on relationships. But there is often much sadness in separation. Look after yourself. I wish you all the best in finding a positive way forward.
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05-10-2015 03:42 AM
05-10-2015 03:42 AM
Re: Yes, I'm new too...... I'm
Ille be honest here ; I saw your name and just wanted to say hi..... Yummy .... Laming tons !!!
My husband and I don't live together. We are both very proud consumers ; meaning we have both accessed mental health agencies in the past ; me: chronic depression / high anxiety and him chronic paranoid schizophrenia .
I could not BEAR to live with him and him to me.
But Can empathise like @Jacob101 message .......
Because I truly care like him. What about @Jacob101 last sentence .... Funny hey ?
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05-10-2015 05:04 PM
05-10-2015 05:04 PM
Re: Yes, I'm new too...... I'm
Hi @PeppiPatty
So Im wondering if you and husband have managed to keep some sort of meaningful relationship? Are you still married? Just not living together, or was it easier to formally separate and go your own ways ?
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06-10-2015 05:10 PM
06-10-2015 05:10 PM
Re: Yes, I'm new too...... I'm
How are you today ?
We have a wonderful meaningful relationship
We have spent last two days apart but he just arrived hopefully to be here for maybe till Friday.
We broke up : he tried to quit drinking after we got married but his Mum became ..... Very bad to me and there was no concrete help for him.
He very unfairly ended up in jail for assaulting a police officer and when he got out it was too hard. We separated for 2 years abd wrote to me that he quit the a and ds.
It's easier now. We both think the same. We can see how both of our mothers get a deep thrill discussing these ' issues' we have but they will not walk in and visit my unit.
We have space now to be so much more loving. I can see how he loves me and there is no way ode want to hurt him.
We speak on the phone but honestly I would rather no contact when we aren't together.
He is really a good man. But like I said ode probably like the space of no contact if we aren't together
Does my experience help you ?