Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Zahlia]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

Even though you don't get an apology from hubby, it is fantastic he is reviewing his behaviour after he realises it was wrong. What huge progress he is making compared to before! I'm sure he wouldn't of been able to do all of this though without you as a wonderful carer. Who knows what 2017 will bring you both, but I hope its only upward from here

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks for the feedback @Zahlia ... 🌷

it feels like progress when you place it beside the emotionally abusive carry-on and distorted thinking we have encountered in the last two years prior to 2016 ....

This year he is clearly feeling like he is getting away with retaining his e.d. in secrecy.  He has referred to the more socially unacceptable behaviours as a vice, like smoking, and therefore nobody else's business .... and he feels he has been justified by medical staff to continue with the "socially acceptable" behaviours because he has fudged them well enough to those medical staff for them to not recognise what they really represent ....

These seem to be the basis for his calmer behaviour, along with our passivity, which of course is the result of not resisting what we can't fix ....

We are around the seven year mark now.  My reading has lead me to understand that this is, on average, around the time that the second stage of change kicks in ..... so I am desperately hoping that some of this is at least contributing to, or leading him towards, that next stage.

i have had to disengage emotionally to be able to survive in what passes for a relationship with him at the moment.  This is not sustainable.  Soooo hoping what I am seeing is the start of self-,awareness ...

[Shaz51]

Hello  @Zahlia @NikNik @Fancy_Pants  @Faith-and-Hope xx

I know totally what you mean @Faith-and-Hope xx ....

I don't get an apology from hubby either and he thinks is right all the time

I'm sure he wouldn't of been able to do all of this though without you as a wonderful carer.-- You are awesome my friend  @Faith-and-Hope 

[Appleblossom]

I am gald there is the beginning of awareness in WH. @Faith-and-Hope

Yeah like @Shaz51 I dont think some men like to apologise .. 

the closest .. I got from my ex hub .. was an indignant .. "well they are my defenses" .. he was right about that too .. they were his defenses and the best defense is a good offense if you want to have a war ... but it was unsustainable for us. Cos I thought we were supposed to be loving one another .. different points of view ..

I do hope your marriage and family are able to be saved .. and that he turns aound .. and realises what you have contributed .. @Faith-and-Hope

I am still feeling proud of my son .. since that last post.

He has had another year being stable .. no increase in meds .. or outbursts or psyhotic episodes

(just me .. lol ) but steady maturation .. many good moments of interaction and discussing both the wider world and our selves and family ..

Also he jumped many hoops re musical, romantic and social involvement .. makes many small wise decisions .. gives me much hope for his future.

[Shaz51]

He has had another year being stable .. no increase in meds .. or outbursts or psyhotic episodes--- this is good @Appleblossom xx

and like @Zahlia, said to me , it is what is working at the moment in  my hubby`s life ,

as for me I have grown over the last year , i am still learning, still lots of "what about me " in there , emotions, and phsyical , one stp at a time

[Faith-and-Hope]

So good to hear about your son's successes @Appleblossom ..... 🤗

You have spent so much of your life in support of others, I love hearing when you achieve things for yourself as well .... and your son doing well helps to validate your feelings and spirit ions as a mother ....

So sorry you weren't given a clean run with the girls, so your sins achievements are bitter-sweet in that regard, but it sounds like your efforts have always been authentic.

Love having you here .... haven't responded to you oersonallly for a while, but that doesn't npman I haven't been following along and a précis ting you ..., I have ❣

Big hugs forum sista .... 💗💕🤗💐❣

[Faith-and-Hope]

Posted on F&A thread tonight .... WH came with D2, D3 and me for some Greek doughnuts in the city today ..... didn't eat any of the doughnuts himself, but DID have a 1/4 section of a phyllo pastry custard roll WITHOUT it being anybody's birthday .... 😳 .... and in public, so no c / s aka "forbidden food" ....

✅