Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Nay]

Really hard tonight. 

My daughter has an extra person/voice/alter arrive tonight. A crying yound girl from a different century who wants her mum and doesnt know where she.

What do I do? How do I act? This is not my child? Im so confused?

My daughter depression has hit rock bottom, not sleeping and lost her love for food.

At a loss.

[Appleblossom]

If your daughter is not sleeping well, I am guessing you are not getting enough rest either.I have been thinking about you both.

As mums we usually try to compensate for times that we have been psychologically unavailable but I am not sure that adding guilt for your depression is helpful for you.

Have you managed to get any support by talking to crisis or triage services?

When you have your appointment with professional, I hope they realise that the situation has been psychologically escalating while you have been waiting. 

Not sure what is best to do atm .... but my instinct says ... go gently and supportive but be true to yourself dont be too carried along in validating characters from her imagination. ... though of course when its right validate her.

How is it going at school and with teachers.

[PeppiPatty]

Great advise @Appleblossom

Just really good. We Mums all hold guilt .... Jeepers @Nay ..... The best thing about you is that your standing up and moving forwards

I am so proud of you
Because it's really hard
Jeepers thanks for filling us in too
🐧🌺🐴🎸🎻🎨🎭🎹🏩🏯🏡🍒🍓🍍

[Janna]

This must be very distressing for you. A couple of things off the top of my head. When my son dissociated (although it was very different to this) his psychologist told me that whilst acknowledging this other part I needed to talk to the "normal" part of him, not the other part. So in other words the conversation would go something like this "Hello. I can hear how upset you are but right now it's important that I to speak to xx. Can you allow me to talk with xx please". Treat that fearful young girl with compassion and reassurance, but seek and ask for permission to communicate with the "normal" girl.

IMO your daughter needs urgent inpatient treatment.  It sounds as if her condition is worsening and that she is having a crisis.  I would be taking her the local ED for an urgent assessment.  Additionally, you can not be expected to manage this on an ongoing basis without support.  She needs help and you need the respite.  

Please let us know how you get on.

Janna ❤️

[Nay]

Thank you for your advice Janna. I feel the same and think she needs an urgent assessment but no one will take her until she harms herself. So stupid!!!!!!! She has a file with CAMHS and they say wait for the psych appointment.

I broke down in the GP office Tuesday and begged for help. The GP finally could see that we couldnt wait any longer for help. My daughter was at her lowest and had pure hate for me for dragging her to the doctors that day.

A little bit of progress, with GP calling the psych and discussed a plan until our appointment with her on Monday.

My daughter has been put on medication. It has only been a few days and she is so distress because she cant speak to her alters/voices. 

I just noticed self harm and feel helpless. 

[Janna]

I'm so sorry to hear that things are not going very well for you and your daughter.  You clearly are almost at breaking point.  If I was in the same situation, I would be picking up my daughter and taking her to the Emergency Department of your local hospital or preferably the ED of a Children's Hospital.  Every single hospital has the capacity and duty to do an urgent menta health assessment.  Your daughter needs intervention, particularly now that she is self-harming.  She is at risk.  I don't believe you can wait until Monday.  You say no one will take her until she harms herself .... well she has harmed herself so now it's time to take action.  I'm at a loss to understand why "the system" is failing you at such a critical time.

Take care.  I know this isn't easy. Please stay in touch.

Janna ❤️

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Nay

You are one great career for your daughter but I'm so sorry it's been so hard for her and you:
I'm a passionate believer in early intervention and it's so so unfair that you both have been going through this.
An important thing that you can do for your both daily well being is constantly ask for your rights as your daughters full time carer and loved one. In my state WA this is a really difficult and hard wrong pointer that happens in our hospitals : they just don't notice your knowledge on your daughter and keep to this stupid way ; I have met ..... Grahame Innes, aren't I lucky , the most intelligent and amazing former Commisioner in Disability: I went to. A small group of people and he and me spoke about that.

It's imperative that you speak as the person who knows your daughter the best.
Your one good value Mother.

[PeppiPatty]

Sorry I didn't finish what I meant to write. When you take her to hospital you just say as my daughters loved one and carer ; say .... this is what's concerning me. As her full time carer I know her the best. ......You just keep on saying this. The hospital might even chuck you in a room with a Psychiatrist who will sit there with a lovely smile on his face to tell you to take her home but you keep to your rights as the person who knows her the best.

My son was in a locked ward and I flew over east to visit him where one of his nurses had a tantrum and used my son's illness to get me kicked out of the hospital. I went right back : spoke to someone above him and gave evidence on what was happening : I was listened to !
I was devestated, I sobbed and sobbed but kept to my rights as the parson who knew him the best. It was really hard but I was able to get back. Now .... Stuff that nurse. My son at 25 doesn't go out of his way for me that's. Cool but he listens to what we verbally discussed last year and he's living the best he can.

[Appleblossom]

Dear @Nay

Thinking about you and your daughter.  Dont worry about posting until you have time and the inclination .. but we are concerned about her and you and concerned about a system that doesnt seem to be working that well.

The difficult thing as a mother is that you do have the drive and deepest felt duty of care to get help for your child. Its not a question of acceptance it is about avoiding harm ... now harm minimisation.

Go gently with yourself so you can last the distance .. it may be a long haul.