Taking the plunge

[Maggie]

@Former-Member   👋👋👋💙💙💙

[CheerBear]

Morning @Maggie (and a quiet hi to you @Former-Member).

I often wonder what that :pile_of_poo: emoji is so happy too! 😆😂 It is way, way too happy than it needs to be. Its like the hug too 🤗 It's almost irritatingly happy to me 😆

I had a night full of nightmares 🙁 All new ones that make no sense to me. It was :pile_of_poo: (without the smile haha).

Having no colour and carrying that shame is really big and tough. When you've had experiences of being blamed and of being made to feel guilty for things you haven't done (as I imagine you have had plenty of), it would be tricky to separate shame by association perhaps. Logically you know you there is no wrongdoing on your part but emotionally maybe that's where it can get twisted up (that brain vs heart fight can happen a lot for me at least). Gosh it's hard and twisted 🙁

Forgiveness is a really hard one too. There's this kind of unhelpful (I think) narrative out there about the need to forgive someone's awful choices and to let go. I think it's OK to choose not to forgive someone for something awful, like that which he chose to do. I'm not sure where you sit on the 'need for forgiveness' line? I choose not to forgive some things.

Your air con story is so relatable! We have a reverse cycle a/c here. I only know how to make it cold not hot and haven't been able to work it out for 3.5 years lol. Does it mean you have heat now?

Yep - thank goodness yesterday is done. It was dodgy.

How's today looking for you?

[CheerBear]

@Former-Member if you feel like saying hi we're here. Lot of thinking of you, caring and interest, but no pressure though ❤🤗 (⬅️ there's that annoyingly happy hug again)

[Maggie]

Nightmare’s @CheerBear , that’s not a good start to today. I hope you find some rest times here and there today. They come from strang, unexpected places, well for me anyway. 

Yea, @CheerBear  the blame game goes on, even after some have passed on. It’s a cleaver inheritance to be left with. Knowing facts doesn’t change the heart stuff. Like you said so well, brain vs heart. No logic at all.

I’ve wrestled with forgiveness for years and years. I’ve read the setting free, letting go, self care stuff. The only thing that makes sense to me is, some things are unforgivable. I can live with that. That’s my choice.

Yes, I got cold air coming out, not hot air. Whoever put the switch on the wall was a giant. I’m 5 ft, now with a painful kink in the neck from looking and reaching ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️. I had heat on while counsellor was here, I really struggle putting it on for me. A work in progress. I haven’t been able to afford heating for 3 years now, so electric blanket is luxurious. I can afford it now, just a brain blockage. Self care stuff is a messy tricky twisted conversation. Just another on the bucket list of to dos. 🤪🤪

I have a coles order coming this morning. I hope to try and paint a stone. It’s all just a hope for now, nothing might happen, and doona day might win.

Any plans for you today? 💜💜

[CheerBear]

I really liked the "it's my choice" line you said about forgiveness @Maggie. So often something hurtful hasn't been our choice and the only choices that can be made are how to deal with it. I choose not to forgive some things also. Big hugs.

Very hard to undo a lot of years of believing self-care isn't something OK for you. I am such a sook when it comes to being too hot or too cold. I am mindful of the cost of the heater but can't function if it is icy. I come from a sunshine state and resented my parents for the move. The weather here is one of my hangups I haven't been able to let go of many later. The heater is a must to get through that 😆

Again I would love to be painting with you! I really, really should pull out something arty or crafty. Maybe that's a weekend goal/hope. Today is supermarket after being at the hospital instead yesterday. I am working on my job application too and should take some school-free time to do that. I'll book a dr appt for Middle also. Our GP would want to know about this new fracture. I think she will say it is too many now. Not sure about a walk this morning now there are no wheels for Middle. I'll leave that up to her.

That's about it for us. This virus thing and restricted movement is really, really :pile_of_poo: (😉)

[Maggie]

Bro is in the sunshine state @CheerBear . We talked a few days ago, it was 31.

He wouldn’t move from there, for the same reasons you are struggling with. I prefer the cold. Heat drains my energy to the point I can hardly move. We are so different as people. I get that cold does the same for you.

I hope shopping is ok enough today. I don’t see panic buying anymore on tv, so I hope that might be a thing of the past. Also your job application. 

I really hope things for Middle are ok. That’s a worry. Sounds like a part pj day?

My coles order has arrived. I will make cauliflower soup later. I’ll leave a bowl for you. 💙💙💙💙

[CheerBear]

Too hot drains my energy also @Maggie. Maybe I am just a bit of a snowflake when it comes to weather haha 🤪 How is bro? I have been meaning to ask but not wanting to pester. I didn't realise there was a lot of physical distance also.

I think the shop should be OK. I pulled out some paint to look at it a moment ago (you're a good influence!) and realised I left my gesso at parent's house. Now I really have to go to Spotlight. Such a shame 😉😁 I have been needing a reason to go rather than just wanting to go and that's it! Excited now 🙂

Middle is a worry. It's the right arm this time (different to the fractures before) so that will need some looking in to. Maybe it's just bad luck but I don't know and neither does our GP. It's also in a cast that immobilises the thumb this time not just the wrist, so it's kind of like she's giving thumbs up all the time. It means she can't hold a pencil or do much art and craft stuff. This one of mine is very crafty (literally just came out to ask how to make slime with this plaster on :face_with_rolling_eyes:) and is super keen on school work, all which requires pen and paper at the moment. This hard time at home just got a whole lot harder for her and by default me. We will know a bit more at the appointment next week.

Soup sounds so good, thank you.

I'm off now too, to tidy and get myself to Spotlight 🎉😁

Catchya later ❤

[CheerBear]

Oh I LOVE that picture 😊😍 @Maggie

👋

[CheerBear]

I've got paint happening @Maggie 😊🌈 I hope your day has some OK about it?

Hugs for any and all ❤

[Maggie]

@CheerBear  👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

I have cauliflower soup......and a messsssssss

What are you painting?