Taking the plunge

[CheerBear]

Morning all 👋

Glad that you're OK with the diagnosis situation @TheVorticon and that your session improved. How's that processing going?

@Maggie I wonder what number ☕ you're up to. How did your yesterday go? ❤

Hope your day went well yesterday also @Appleblossom.

Hope today has good in it for everyone

[Maggie]

Hi there @CheerBear . Number 2 ☕️☕️☕️ so far.

Yesterday was a bit tricky. Conversations with counsellor were from the event of the past week. I think many are asking serious question on many different levels. I know I am.

I tried some cross stitch, but it wasn’t helpful yesterday. I will try later today.

How did your yesterday turn out?💜💜

@TheVorticon  A big hi. I don’t know what to say, other than, I’m hearing you. 💜💜

@Appleblossom  Thankyou 💜💜💜

@eth @outlander  👋👋💕💕💕

[CheerBear]

I'm on two too @Maggie 🙂

I had a gut feeling yesterday might have been tricky. The event of the past week has left many questions and not many answers 🙁 Was it helpful to talk with her?

My yesterday was mixed. Psych was great. We spoke about human rights issues of restricting people's movements. The triggers present for me at the moment and the similar feelings of fear, isolation and stuckness I had in refuge. Warnings about the melting pot-ness of the situation and plans to help that. I organised virtual catch ups for Middle and their friends including one with the vice principal's kids. So thankful we have a school that connects teachers, parents and kids, even on holidays. Then tricky stuff with Mr and him having his kids held over him (choose them or her stuff). It was so, so hard. It is so hard 🙁 No chalk. It rained on and off. Very cold and grey here now.

How's today looking, aside from maybe cross stitch?

[Maggie]

@CheerBear  Very interesting reading your post and comparing different situations, with similar responses.

The Pell stuff has triggered so much past for me, but also the present stuff. The unfair, unjust, dishonest of it all. I guess a different stuckness to your own, but stuck is stuck, no matter where you are stuck.

Counsellor suggests distancing from it all. Unfortunately I’m stuck there also. I feel the need to follow it for the strangest of reasoning. Twisted for sure.

The stuff with Mr is super tricky. Manipulating behaviour. I really hope it works out. Legally he would have a right to see his children without being held over. It might not be at that stage yet. Big feels for you,🖤🖤 I know how much your crew mean to you, so you understand his pain on a very deep level.

We had rain overnight, and more coming today. Grey here too.

I quiet thinking day I think. That’s a strange sentence. 

[CheerBear]

It is different situations with similar responses @Maggie. I so hear you with the triggers. It's not fair at all. Also hearing you with the stuckness of following. My psych suggests similar distancing but has another take too. That keeping watch is a way of understanding and attempts at sense making. It allows some exposure and restructuring in a way. Very wonky line between that and sinking under it though 🙁

I'm so, so sad about Mr and struggle to keep it inside at times. As someone who has held kids for safety, to an extreme extent (but with extreme risk involved), I find it really hard. If there was risk then I get it but I don't believe there is with Mr. but who am I to say and how much can I really trust my gut feeling he is safe. I do think it's manipulation and emotional abuse and that it's coming as a result of him leaving and being with me. Effectively an 'if you've seen her you don't see them' situation, written in words I have seen. I shouldn't say much more here but that's been bubbling for a while. It's full of tricky. Huge empathy. Balancing encouraging him to take a stand but knowing how hard and scary that is to do. Justifying how I could encourage a him person to stand up against a her person when I've been so messed up by a him person standing up. Desperately wanting kids not to be stuck in the middle. Desperately wanting no-one to hurt. Triggers, questions, heart pain, stress... Ugh. Life is not easy sometimes.

Thank you for listening. That was a novel. I know you can see and hear the tricky, even without the novel.

I'm going to the supermarket to pick up hot cross buns soon. We've organised a family video get together for bun breakfast tomorrow which will be so good (hopefully). I have one bunny believer left here and a couple who play along for the one. Told the crew we needed to tidy the house so that the Easter bunny could hide the eggs. They all responded by telling me it would be easier to hide eggs in a messy house :face_with_rolling_eyes: They outsmarted me 😆

I like the idea of a quiet thinking day I think. If you feel like sharing your thoughts, I'm listening with my eyes.

Mega ❤ and a strong ☕ on the side.

[Maggie]

@CheerBear  Tricky, that’s for sure. As lame as this sounds, it is basically.......... wait for the wisdom.......small, unsteady steps. Finding balance here and there, slipping and sliding all the way. That’s what life is for me anyway. You and Mr care about each other. Hang onto that for now.

The wonky line between making sense of it all and sinking is so true.

I was reading something earlier this morning, as you do, and my understanding of it is, I’ve been trying to understand why people don’t understand emotional and physical pain. Now I’m thinking, I don’t understand them. I’ve never been where they are, as they have never been where I am. There seems to be a massive gap, out of reach kind of stuff. But some do bridge the gap. Your psych, my counsellor, and others people encounter along the way. I understand that could be far out wonky, sorry if it is.

Video brekky with hot cross buns and Easter bunny , plus a messy house to hide eggs, all sounds like a fun time ahead for you all. You have smart kids @CheerBear  💕💕

I’m heading to the shower, there’s always a good feeling in there, no matter how short it is. Enjoy your day. Lots of 💕💕💕💕🍪🍪🍪

[eth]

👋  @Maggie  and @CheerBear   Thinking of you both as I follow here.  Take good care.  Love xoxo

[TheVorticon]

Not sure about the processing @CheerBear. I'm kind of avoiding the processing side, and more doing research (again). Also wondering what could possibly be so bad that psych would think it best not to tell me yet. But trying not to think of it too much.

I had a big grin at the crew's logic about hiding eggs in a messy house 😉

Hi @Maggie. Thanks for listening.

I've been reading along with both your challenges. Listening but nothing helpful to add. Just wishing you both strength and some fun today.

[Appleblossom]

Thanks for the good wishes  @CheerBear @Maggie 

Sharing pics of Daylesford Lake fave Autumn place.

It will be autumn soon...

On the serious stuff.  I too follow it and try and distance. At moment I know there are other people who are effected and interested.  That really helps me, as for so many decades it was such an alone and warped and strange part of my life.  I think it is important to understand consequences and make meaning, but yes for those who have not been there it often seems a bridge too far.

Take Care

Hearing you about personal liberty restrictions. CB.  Our society in lockdown and punitive measure all over the place is hugely worrying.  Not that I am shirking. I did not go on walk as weather was not best.

This is the kind of analysis I prefer. It is long but I feel it is worth it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6MZy-2fcBw&feature=share&fbclid=IwAR2FqllTCIT1zx3Bxrsi0ur-yWESN2h7v... 

[outlander]

@Maggie @CheerBear @Appleblossom 🧡💛