Real life Friends

[BlueBay]

I don’t have many friends. Actually only three. I have a lot of people I know but not close friends. 

Growing up I never had any friends st school. Not primary nor high school. 

I suppose you could say I was a real loser and a loner 😢

i got thinking that even my three close friends don’t even care. They don’t call me to see how I am or to have a chat. They don’t offer to go away fir a girls weekend. But yet they all do with other friends. 

I’m tired of being the one to invite my friends to come over for a coffee.  I’m sick and tired of me always texting them to say hi how are you. And I get nothing in return. 

Are they really “my friends”

we need friends. I would love to share my thoughts to my close friends. 

But unfortunately I did that once snd my friend told me that she didn’t want to listen to my issues snymire. And thst I had no idea of what I was doing to her!!!!

i was shocked snd so hurt. I was abandoned by her. 

Anyway it’s pretty lonely without real life friends. 

Msybe it’s because of my mentsl health. Msybe they don’t like me Anymore.  It really hurts. 

I know I have lots of friends on here. 

And I’m grateful for your friendship. 

How do your friends relate to you?

[greenpea]

@BlueBay  Hey BlueBay I have one friend who was a real friend today. A friend to me is there through thick and thin. Who will take the good and the bad. A person who you would go out of your way to help because they would do the same for you.  Those are the basic traits of a true friend to me. I have acquaintances but one friend and I value her immensely.

ps: you will always have friends on sane because you are a caring, funny, likeable person. Don't ever forget it 🙂

[BlueBay]

So glad that you have a real true friend @greenpea

none of my friends hsve ever said that they are here to support me. 

Thankyou for your kind words xxoo

[Ali11]

Hey @BlueBay, sorry your experience with real life friendships has been a difficult one but thank you also for raising this topic. It is common to think we should work on a romantic relationship but friendships often need the same level of attention, especially as they can come with us through different life stages. What things do you think make a good friendship?

[BlueBay]

Hi @Ali11 

What makes a good friendship?

to me it is:

someone who listens and genuinely cares 

someone who calls or texts every now and then even just to say hi 

someone who has your back 

someone who validates what you’re going through and not brush it aside 

if I had a friend who had a mental illness or even just struggling I would either call them or text them to go fir a coffee.  I would ask them how are they? A direct question. Nit beat around the bush. I would listen and empathise with them. I would laugh and cry with them. And I would hug them and tell them they will be ok. I would tell them to let me know whenever they need to chst I would be there. 

But this doesnt  happen to ne. I know friends are busy with their own lives. I get that. 

But I bet if I broke an arm or leg I would receive a msg. 

I feel there still still is a stigma eith mental illness because people don’t know what to say. 

Simetimes when icerwhelmed or vulnerable all I want is a friend to hug me tight and say it’s ok I’m here with you. 

[BryanaCamp]

hi @BlueBay I made lots of lovely friends on meetup & recommend it as a good was to make new friends.

I hear you on always being the one to initiate contact, it gets frustrating & I feel like I'm not as high a priority for a friend as they are for me. It took time for the texts and invitations to come my way but in time, they did come. It just took a lot of persistence & patience. I have some kind & supportive friends - I got a job recently & they were there for me when I was distraught that I'd had an unsuccessful interview and they were there for me when I wanted to celebrate a successful job interview. That's what I want, people who care about me when I'm down & will celebrate my successes with me.

It is a lot of work for me to maintain my friendships as relationships are hard work for me and I feel like it's all new to me. But it is well worth the time & effort I put in. I really like having an active socail life & the company of friends.

I've only told one friend that I am on medication & see a pdoc. SHe wasn't phased by it. But mostly I only talk about my MI with my pdoc. I find I don't really want to as people don't really understand it unless they have it. I also find it a huge burden to support someone with a MI (e.g. my brother had a psychosis recently) so I try not to do that to my friends as it's not fair.

I'd encourage you to make some new friends, there are a lot of lovely people out there to hang out with and I find it helps loads not to have all your eggs in one basket & rely on just one friend for emotional support.

[BlueBay]

Hi @BryanaCamp 

I’m not very good with making new friends. I don’t like social groups.  I get very very anxious. I’m better with one on one. 

Thsnks for your suggestion. I’m glad you have made great friends through groups. xx

[BryanaCamp]

hi @BlueBay . I overcame crippling social anxiety to be able to go to group gatherings, then slowly made friends, then was able to catch up with them one to one. That's just what worked for me, I understand if you don't want to do that, I hope you can find a way to improve your social supports.

[Ali11]

Those are good qualities you've listed for a friendship @BlueBay. You're right about people being busy, and distracted with all the news & entertainment options on offer now, people often consume content instead of connecting. And many people don't know how to help a friend with MI, which can make them feel powerless as they don't know that you just need them to hold space and be there with you. Maybe more education needs to be available for helping friends understand what we need or want from them. Have you ever thought about putting that experience into a short article or written piece about what it's like to be you and what friends can do to help others?

[BlueBay]

I don’t understand what you mean @Ali11 

I can write about myself my life snd hiw my not having friends affected me. Is that you want me to write??