Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Rose96]

Hi @Determined,

Yes I'm hoping she will at least help me to be able to support him better.
That's great that things are going well for you both at the moment! I definitely understand taking things as they come!
I seem to he a jinx, every time I say out loud that he's doing better it all falls apart 😞
He's not been well the last few days again.

@Sane74 my parter is also saying he's doesn't want to go back to therapy. He's not a huge fan of his therapist, which is fine. But he's not willing to look around and find a new therapist. Money is a big issue for us, and finding him the best help and support on a budget isnt ideal.
I have to trust that things will get better.
I really hope things start turning around for you guys soon as well!

[Determined]

Hi @Sane74

Sorry to hear things are not good at the moment
I trust you can find the strength to get through this and your partner can find the help he needs to get on top of things. It is always hard when someone we love is not in a good space.

[Determined]

Hi @Rose96 @Sane74
My darling also resists therapy, If I dont make the appointments for her she wouldnt bother. I perceive This is a combination of worry about the cost of the appointment and fuel cost/ travel time involved. That and just not wanting to talk about stuff.

I also have felt like things fall apart if I dare say or think we are in a good space @Rose96. It helps for me at least to pretend to be positive sometimes though. On the bright side, only last week I had told a close friend things were going down hill and I didnt know what I was going to do and came home to a happy smiling darling. Nice for a change but it still messes with my head.

Trust things improve for you both soon.

[JaneAgatha]

Hi, I read this book too. It also describes the man I've been married to for 36 years. Somehow I got locked in. I feel alone too. There is no getting around it. One is truly alone when cohabiting with someone with BPD. I've read a stack of great books in the past two years (so glad I finally found them). They have helped me see what's going on. I'm better at avoiding his meltdowns now, but his personality has not changed one bit. I'm pretty sure it never will. Even though I know he has the problem, I still doubt myself sometimes. He seems so sure of himself, yet he constantly chops and changes. The dynamics, from his perspective, are, he's always right and blameless. I'm always wrong and to blame. He is unaware that I'm a separate person with my own feelings. He seems constitutionally incapable of any form of two-way interaction. Rather, any evidence that I'm separate from him, and see things differently, sets him off.

[Fritzbox]

hello all,

I am a 30 year old gay male and I want to check here if someone I was dating has BPD or not. 

I met him at the gym two years ago. we started casually dating (home movies, dinner, museum, cinema etc). We would meet once/week. After about 5-6 weeks, I asked him if he would like to join me on a weekend trip. he said he would like to but was very busy. I took that as a sign that he was not interested in getting serious with me. After this he also started ignoring me. It was really strange. His text messages became very "formal" and when we would see each other in the gym his behavious towards me very icy and formal (just hi and bye). sometimes I saw him in the changing room and smiled and said Hi, and he would just reply "fine, thanks" without even looking at me and once he just walked passed me (as if I was invisible ans as if he was in a trance. We then stopped talking for a whole year. After a year he sends me a sms very casually asking how I am. I told him i am surprised he is writing to me after not talking to me for a whole year. He then said that it was *ME* who never wrote back!....continued in next post.

[Fritzbox]

....continuation of above post.
That didn't make any sense to me, but I asked him if he wants to talk. He said fine we can talk next week. He said he'll send me a text. whole week went by and nothing. I saw him again at the gym and asked him again. He said he was busy but will write by the end of the week. Again nothing from him. I then confronted him that if he's not interested in talking he should just say so, and that would be the end of it. he just reacted by saying nothing and walking away. Two months went by and no communication. I wrote to him how he was doing and he responded with very short responses. Months went by and he then asked me if i want to come over to his place to watch a movie. So i went and we watched a movie. not much talking. very little conversation. I felt uncomforatble. end of the night he gave me a hug and I left. A few weeks later again asked me to come over to watch a football game. Same like the first date. not very comfortable feeling. Then a few weeks later asked me to join him and 2 of his friends at a bar.....continued in next post.

[Fritzbox]

continued...

so I went at the end (it was 4am) as we were going home, he asked me if I want to spend the night at his place (because there was no public transportation at that time). i said no, I'll just walk home. We say goodbye and he calls me while I am walking but I didn't take the call. Then we started texting when I got home. he asked me if I had sex with the other friend we were with. i said no.

Again months go by no contact. I ask him if he wants to go to the movies and it was always no, i am not feeling good. Sometimes i got no responses to my texts. Finally last week he writes me and asks how I am doing and if I a doing anything on friday night. i say I am a bit stressed at work and explained to him why I am stressed adn that I am not doing anything on friday night. he then blocks me on whatsapp!!

[Fritzbox]

In my opinion a completely irrational reaction. I didn't try to call him or anything. Saw him at the gym again 2 days later and didn`t talk to him or approach him. No hi, nothing. 

Now I am thinking that this behaviour (from the very start) is just not normal. i mean atleast in my eyes.

Could it be that he has BPD? 
He seems emotionally unstable, but otherwise very successful. Owns a big apartment in the best part of town, is a lawyer and CEO of his company, drives a BMW, high end furniture, appliances, bathroom fixtures etc.

Any thoughts? I am just trying to figure out what's going on, because I have never experienced anyting like this before.

thanks for any responses in advance!

end of story!!