Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

thanks - I am supersensitive at the moment

[Heartbroken]

Hi Mohill. I can feel your pain. There is nothing like it. I feel like you are where we were 20 years ago. We are going through another episode. There are no words to explain the pain. It makes me so sad when I think about how frightening it must be to have schizophrenia. I just can't imagine what it would feel like and the thought of my brother having to go through that all day, everyday is awful.
I know how you must be feeling and I am sorry you have to go through this as well. Particularly when they don't and can't see the pain the family feels. I spent the day in court and at the police station yesterday......his case was adjourned, so he has 8 weeks of compulsory meds. In a way, its a relief but has broken our hearts that we had to refuse his freedom. We can't have him at home with us, its too scary. He will hate us for it to, which is breaking my mums heart but we just have to hope we will get him back this time.
Thank u so much for your reply to. Its strange how much comfort I feel knowing there is someone else out there dealing with this but sorry at the same time for you and your son.

[Heartbroken]

For some reason, your message about Centrelink isn't showing up here. I didn't realise they would even talk about his payments to anyone else but him. It's hard, and even for him to expect you to deal with this, is wrong but we do these things anyway. I am sorry about the emotion blackmail, we don't get that because we feel like he hates us all the time. But just know, if he does agree to take his meds, there is a huge chance, he will return. Even if they won't accept the diagnosis, I just hope he takes the meds. My brother doesn't have any friends either so he basically has nobody else to go to. Whether it be for support or abuse. Good luck 😊

[Former-Member]

hello@heartbroken

sorry only just saw your response by chance. Another contributor on here helped me out with the responding thing. apparently by adding@ in front of your user name that user then receives an email advising that someone has responded.

I understand yours and your mum's anguish at your brother being in prison. It is an awful feeling however when they are so unwell, it is, as awful as this sounds,  bar being in the psychiatric ward of a hospital, a safer place for them to be rather than out in society. They are injected with medication if they dont take willingly. As abhorrent as the thought of  that is to me in other levels of mental illness, with paranoia, delusions it is needed. I have not known anyone who has been through this before and am only going by what the psychiatrists are telling me.

With the centrelink issue, I have a written authority signed by my son set up years ago, authorising me to act on his behalf as he has been on a disability pension for as long as I can remember. The loan which I did not want to take out fuelled him because I did not apply for the maximum. I received abusive text messages telling me how useless a mother i am and that i am paranoid.

I actually wrote all about what happened today and how by asking one question to clarify what he  was wanting during a phone call, in the middle of a busy shopping centre, where he stuttered badly and i patiently listened, i became again the useless, paranoid mother. another call hung up on.

i now am frightened to death to message or phone him because it always comes back against me. i am so careful in what i say and always ask how he is , is he ok. i always get, i am fine, dont  worry about me, look after yourself, then he asks me to do something which i need further information on. wham i am useless, i am paranoid. I really believe that he is mirroring (if their is such a word) his feelings towards me. I feel this because I know that I am feeling some of his pain and paranoia also.

i am a complete mess again. i have had so much illness in my family lately that I just feel numb.

i am dreading christmas more and more as the days get closer. how unfair is that.

i wish you all the best with your brother and totally understand what you and your family are going through. Too much cant even put into words.

[Former-Member]

Dear heartbroken

I have been recommended a book by Xavier Amador "I am Not Sick, I Do Not Need Help"
His focus is how to get a patient to accept help when they cannot see or accept they have a mental health problem. This is called lack of insight and is a symptom of their disorder.

I have not read the book but have watched his lectures on YouTube and you might find his approach helpful.

Part 1:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lstn6WNnCRc

Part 2:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VxiBgq5G-cI

This is a coping method that the Qld mental health resources for carers website suggests.

http://mhr4c.com.au/coping-strategies/the-leap-approach/

Darcy

[Former-Member]

hello @Former-Member @Heartbroken

I just wanted to thank you Darcy for posting the links.

I found the one suggesting how to phrase responses very helpful and I can imagine that if I felt everyone was against me and even that people were eavesdropping I would be very careful how I replied.

So the phrasing of the  questions makes sense.

Sadly I have not been able to put them into use because my son has changed his phone no. He has tried to ring me twice and they have been listed as missed calls - no caller ID. So I cannot return the call.

I know that he is after more money because his dad has been giving him some and I think has finally realised that it cant keep going on.

I did give him one amount before he left the state. I told him that I cannot afford to and will not be giving him anymore. Hence I received abusive text messages and abuse on the phone. That was back in November.

I just carry him around tucked in my heart now. I wont allow myself to let my mind wander or question.

I hope that your brother is in a safe place Heartbroken. You have dealt with this for a very long time.

Take care all and thank you

[Heartbroken]

Thanks for your kind words. My brother is finally talking sense again and is sorry for alot of the horrible things he has done over the past 5 months so I am feeling relieved. It looks like he may even get out of prison soon to. It seems the involuntary meds have really helped bring him back. Unfortunately this awful disease will never give me back the brother I had. Now for the next challenge of trying to get him to acknowledge and admit that he has it and that his thoughts are delusions. They are so real to him, I don't know how to approach it?? Sorry about your son, without meds there is nothing you can do unfortunately and its sad that he has to get himself into trouble before he will get help.

[Heartbroken]

Thanks Darcy, will check them out. Appreciated