Living with Hospital Staff Stigma

[PocketRocket88]

TW: Trigger warning for reference to experience of self harm and suicide.
I have a long standing record of hospitalisations due to self harm, suicide attempts and safety risks. I’ve been diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression and Underactive Thyroid. I also have numerous addiction problems one is substance abuse, at some point alcohol, and compulsive gambling which has been on and off over the past few years.I know and am aware that I’m highly impulsive and very emotion sensitive… but I kind of expect the mental health teams in our public hospitals will take the wheel when I can’t drive anymore… I want them to step up and do what’s necessary to keep me safe and alive…. Atleast that’s what I would hope them to do BUT this isn’t the case in one of the hospital in Randwick. 

Over the weekend, I was unsafe that I tried reaching out to different organisations but didn’t get much help. So I did what I did. Come Monday, I went to my DBT therapy and was still feeling (or was still under the effects) of what’s I’ve done that weekend that I felt the need to let the facilitator know what I did just so they wouldn’t think that I was under the influence of drugs. Long story short, they’ve agreed that it’s best for me to go to hospital which I did. Upon arriving at the ED, the toxicology doctor did all her checks and done all what’s necessary. Then comes the mental health team, they done their interview, while doing their interview I felt that I was being judged and that I will not get the help I needed. Again long story short, they’ve discharged me into the community under the care of the ACT even though I still pose a risk to myself. 

the only way I can sort off keep myself safe atm is to stay out of my house and/or keep using… it’s disheartening to feel that when I need help this hospital won’t take that extra step to keep me safe  and coz I’m in their catchment area, I will have to keep going there if something goes wrong…

so I’m here out in the community still waiting for referrals to come thru and just relying on the ACT Team for constant support.

[Former-Member]

Hi there @PocketRocket88 
I’m one of the peer support workers here on the forums & I hear just how much you are wanting to get help right now. As you may know SANE isn't a crisis support service but have you connected in with any of those supports in the past you may have found useful?

I’m just offering these resources here in case you want reference to them.
These are both 24hr service:

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467

If in immediate danger: 000

Not sure if you know but alternatively we also have SANE Help centre 1800 187 263 that offers free phone counselling between the hours of 10am-10pm.

I can hear you have taken some important steps in seeking help yesterday and over the wkd and encourage you to reach out and access immediate medical or mental health support should you feel unsafe throughout today. 

We have also emailed you to check in around your safety, can you please refer to that also.

You do not have to go through this alone and we encourage you to continue to seek support.
Take care
Flybluebird

[Former-Member]

Me again @PocketRocket88 
Also not sure if you have heard of these resources through the link below, that are peer-based supports for people experiencing various distress or emotions around suicide. 

Offering them in case they may be of some use or interest.

https://saneforums.org/t5/Useful-resources/Peer-support-Suicide-Prevention-Resources/m-p/1163882/hig...

Flybluebird

[AussieRecharger]

Hey @PocketRocket88 

Given what you have just said, I am hoping this finds you while you are still well.  Very disheartening to hear that you have been treated this way.  

Please reach out and just keep talking to us if you feel it will help. We are here to listen.  

[Appleblossom]

@PocketRocket88 I hope you get better support here on the forum than you did at the hospital.  

At least the ongoing DBT is something and they focus on distress tolerance and other emotional skills.

We are not supposed to mention specific services here at Sane for fear of the legal boogie man. Fair enough.

I am STRONGLY of the opinion that the MH services need to up their game and improve some of their protocols.  We are often told to reach out, so it is important they are consistent and meet the challenge.

I have found that it can be a gradual process .. losing less helpful ... behaviours & habits etc ... Make the most of your DBT time.  It made sense that you were up front with your DBT person ... maybe at least that therapeutic relationship will be helpful long term.

[soppykat]

Hi guys i reacted with an antibiotic a week ago now, and the ambulance dude didnt even think that there was anything wrong with me! i couldnt breathe and my throat was swelling up, and i couldnt even stand up without feeling like i was collapsing. i just cant believe how uncaring the paramedic was 😞

[Former-Member]

Hey @soppykat, that sounds like a really scary experience. I'm really sorry this happened to you. I hear that paramedics are really under the pump, but empathy and care should be paramount. How are you feeling now a week out from the reaction? I hope you have the support you need around you 💛

[Paperdaisy]

Hi @PocketRocket88 How are you doing today?

[PocketRocket88]

TW:suicidal ideation, Urges and risky behaviours

thanks for all the support everyone… I truly and honestly feel I’m being heard thru this forum. 

after leaving the hospital that Monday,  BUT I was able to say no and fight my first instinct and just went home… 

Everyday is a struggle coz of the thoughts and urges, but the only way I’m keeping myself safe is by keeping busy with work… even though it’s working at the moment, I’m worried that sooner or later ill get burned out that I would make things worse…

I also felt the need to feed my addiction (substance abuse and Gambling) to sort off be safe as well. But we all know that it can only go so far, so what then when I can’t anymore? 

in terms of the thoughts, my brain is constantly planning what to do/use the next time I try to take my own life again. I’m worried that the next time I might not be so lucky anymore. It’s also weird how I’m actually rationalising in my own head why that’s the better option than living…

so ye., I am trying my best to be safe…

[Daisydreamer]

Hi @PocketRocket88, 

It is really good to hear that you feel safe and heard here in the SANE Forums- that is what makes our peer support community so special and unique. 

You mentioned taking steps towards safety and doing the best you can to stay safe. Every step towards safety that you make is important to acknowledge, especially when I am hearing how hard these steps can be at the moment. Holding those questions of safety and wellbeing, sitting with thoughts of suicide that come and go can be hard to hold at times. We want to be here to support you as much as we can within the bounds of peer support, and encourage you to seek crisis support if there are times you feel unsafe. You can find a list of crisis support and urgent support here. 

As a person who has also lived with thoughts of suicide in my life, I feel these conversations are so important to ensuring we all get the support we deserve when we need it most- it takes courage, strength and openness. I want to acknowledge that! So many of us here are sitting with you. Do you find posting to the Forums has been helpful in difficult moments?

I might link a recent how to guide we made here at SANE to ensure that we can have these supportive conversations in line with our guidelines: How to guide: Create safety online when talking about suicide 

I have also sent you an email to check in, and see if you are feeling safe today. If you could please have a read and respond when you have a moment. 

Apologies this is a long response, but with such an important step you have taken and the courage you have show today, I think it also deserves an equally full response and acknowledgement that we are here for you Keep reaching out, we are all sitting with you