I’m confused about whether to, when or what to disclose

[Delicatessen]

Last year, I decided to disclose I was bipolar to my boss. He was very good about it, but I was unprepared for him telling me he didn’t know anything about the illness (but strangely enquired for details of my misdeeds). He asked how he could support me, and I wasn’t ready with a response. He suggested I tell others (as having more who knew would be better) for which I declined - and I have not disclosed to anyone since. 

I felt confused after the disclosure…and exposed. I told myself that I should feel pleased because at least someone knew…but I wasn’t.

Upon reflection, there are some things I would really value hearing others thoughts on…

Has anyone had a similar experience?

Do you think the prospect of disclosure also mean you have to be an educator and advocate at the same time (that it’s bigger than it first looks)?

I know there’s lots of awareness going on for mental illness in the workplace, but what “support” can my employer really offer me?

In closing I thought I’d mention that my doctor all but instructed me (literally) not to disclose. On balance and for now I’d have to say I’m glad I did.

[Gwynn]

Heck yes, as someone who grew up wearing a leg brace due to my physical disability, disclosure has always meant having to be the perfect educator, never offended, always considering the innocent ignorance of the healthy. I would be feeling exposed too if my boss asked for details of my misdeeds. It’s great that your boss asked you what supports you needed, though. You can always revisit this if you think of something that would help. For me, I would find it helpful for instructions to be written rather than verbally told to me if it’s important, have a quieter workspace if possible, I’d ask if my presence is required for a meeting that I suspect could have been an email, and maybe more flexible working hours. You can find more examples of reasonable adjustments here: https://humanrights.gov.au/our-work/3-managing-mental-illness-workplace hope this helps!

[Delicatessen]

Hi @Gwynn  Thanks for your quick response. Suggestions for support have given me some great ideas.

In considering your comments, I think it confirmed for me that disclosure decisions are complex and should not be taken lightly. If asked by someone on which way to go, I’d definitely tell them my own perspectives on the pros and cons to enable them to make a decision that is right exactly for them.

My own personal belief (for now) is that anyone who chooses to disclose is a trail-blazer where reactions to disclosure may not be positive. I think looking after someone’s well-being comes first, and contributing to increased awareness come second.

Very open to hearing other points of view, though!!

[petrichor]

Hello @Delicatessen 

I disclosed to my boss when I was diagnosed with PTSD, had reasonable adjustments in place for a while, and what I thought was genuine support. I disclosed to the rest of the company in an event for mental health month. I was ultimately fired on grounds of being mentally unfit to perform my duties. I eventually won the legal battle, but that was confidential. I regret telling the company, not because I lost my job, but because they knew I was mentally ill and then all of the sudden I was mysteriously gone without a goodbye. Instead of being a trail blazer and crushing stigma I probably scared everyone at work even more about disclosing any kind of mental illness. 

Regarding disclosing and being an educator I fully agree that one’s own health should come first. Awareness in my opinion has increased for anxiety and depression mainly related to covid but not for other mental illness. Nowadays I share my story and ‘educate’ others on a personal or individual base and share the parts of my story that I’m willing to share at that moment in time and with that person. I was told before that it is a privilege if I share my story with someone.

I hope things work out well for you and you find people you can share with and who support each other. Take good care of yourself x

[Delicatessen]

Hi @petrichor thank you so much for your post. I feel so confused about how I feel before, during and after disclosure I’ve pretty much given up the practice since I spoke with my boss. I sometimes feel as though that it’s a bit of “open season” on me once I’ve disclosed. But it’s likely some of this is due to a poor self-image overall. Thanks again.

[Rosie]

Hi @Delicatessen 

I put 'schizophrenia' on a form for employment and it took them 6 months and requests for two clearances from psychiatrists to get the forms passed and to be put into the system for possible employment pool. From then on I have never disclosed and even lied and said I have no pre-existing conditions in order to get employment.

What a sad state of affairs! I hate lying!

Thanks for this thread.

[Delicatessen]

Hi @Rosie

I am about to go on a long trip overseas. So attention turned to travel insurance.

One company said they would cover bipolar for an extra $200.

Another said they were not prepared to cover me because I disclosed I’d been hospitalised for the illness but they did provide cover for COVID.

I really hesitated to disclose as I’ve been declared stable for the past 9 months or so and am doing all the right things.

I must confess that with this in mind I really minded having declared at all. My key support and I dIscussed the decision at length and I’ve decided to go with the insurer that would not provide me cover. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see…