I am falling apart.

[fleshflowers]

Hi everyone.  I have had anger issues nearly my entire life. I was abused growing up and I never moved on from it and I have had trouble dealing with my anger that just kept getting worse. I am 27 years old now. I have a 3 year old and I'm married.

I have hit rock bottom today and hit my husband, it's not something new, but it wasn't the same this time. Today I didn't stop after one time and I made his nose bleed. I threw my phone at a photo on the wall and shattered the glass. I am feeling so so horrible and I can't stop crying about my explosive episode today and how much my husband did not deserve this abuse. He wanted to put me in jail but decided not to. He just wants me to get help. I am the worst wife and mother.

Mental health support is awful here. I am feeling so alone and uncontrollable. I once went to get help and she prescribed me sleeping pills. I don't want to live this life. I don't want to hurt the ones that I love. I am angry 24/7 whether annoyed, irritated, or just straight up pissed off. I'm always on edge, ready to fight. I am so exhausted from being so angry and stressed. I can't help it. I feel so trapped. I am never happy.

I have another appointment next month with my regular doctor who I never get to see anymore.. but I'm hoping she can help.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Freshflowers
Welcome to the forums, i can hear how much you are hurting with the situation that has happened today and the consequences of what is going on for you. I'm sorry that you reached out for help before and didnt recieve what you needed either. Please don't stop reaching out. I was thinking that it might be good to try seeking a referral to a psychologist through your GP? or phoning beyond blue or i think the sane helpline can help with ideas for where to seek support too.
Feeling like this and getting to the point of exploding is not only hurting your family but you and you all deserve to feel happy together.
Glad you have the appt with your regular dr, and glad that you are here too, hope that it helps to be here.
Feel free to continue chatting here or join in on any of the threads from light hearted chat to more serious discussions 🙂
Take care, and welcome!

[Former-Member]

Hi I used to be a MHW, looks like you may need to be admitted to a MH facility for some proper assessment, & help?
Do you have a MHT Team where you live? Maybe your GP can write a referral to a Psychiatrist who can organise things for you after he assesses your MH? 🙂

[Appleblossom]

Hi @fleshflowers

Try and get help quicker and set it up as much as you can.

I was told .. put yourself on the list for different services ... even if it takes a while, just keep looking for what is available.

Any GP might refer for a mental health plan and psychology sessions.

It is a really difficult path to walk but you also have a lot of courage and faith just to have posted.

Gentleigh Bentleigh

Could it help to gently talk to your self as a runaway Thomas the Tank type train and rein yourself in when you are getting upset?   Hope the forum helps.

[utopia]

@freshflowers. Anger is a common reaction when we are feeling scared, uncertain or out of sorts. Some people cry, retreat and go into a depression.
Others get irritated easily and can be verbally or physically abusive. These are common signs of MI.
When you say Doctor - do you just mean your gp? Because a gp can't offer the help you need. A psychologist and a psychiatrist will be able to diagnose you. Once diagnosed, then they will know what treatment - medication maybe - definitely therapy - will work best for you.
I imagine that you scare yourself when you lose your temper and things get out of control. You are not abnormal. You can get treatment and feel so much more in control of your emotions and get your Mental health sorted out.
Ask for a referral to a psychologist, a psychiatrist or the local Community Mental Health Service.
The sooner you reach out for help, the sooner your life will improve. You have nothing to lose but such a lot to gain.