Feeling lost

[Helmar]

I’m new here

i guess I needed somewhere to turn .

im in a relationship with the most loving man .

when he is sober we are very happy. When he drinks  it’s a different story. Sometimes he is very loving and when his drinking has gone too far . He is horrible . Says nasty things and tries to blame me . Yesterday I came home , he was having a “couple” beers with his mate. I’d fallen asleep, I didn’t plan to but it was dark when he got home . He tripped on the step and started yelling about the house being in darkness . He just looked at me when I told him I’d fallen asleep. Is this type of behaviour abusive . I’m not sure anymore. He isnt violent with me but I feel lost and confused. It’s like he is 2 different men 

the loving man and a drunk man 

[Ali11]

Hi @Helmar, welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story here. It's important to know that abuse isn't just in the form of physical violence, but also can be emotional as well. Do you have anyone close to you that you can disclose this to?

[Ali11]

Hi @Helmar, welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story here. It's important to know that abuse isn't just in the form of physical violence, but also can be emotional as well. Do you have anyone close to you that you can disclose this to?

[Helmar]

No not really

i keep to myself and those who know anything about me are too judgemental. 

[Supercoolguy]

Yes he is abusive. That is not right. Has he tried not drinking?

[Ali11]

You've taken a step in the right direction by reaching out for advice and support @Helmar. Is your partner aware of how nasty he can be when he's drinking, have you spoken much about how it makes you feel? 

[Helmar]

Yes he is aware... he says he is sorry and doesn’t know why he gets like that. He has been through a lot . I’m not excusing his behaviour. As much as I understand he is still dealing with stuff . I don’t deserve the way he treats me when he drinks

[Helmar]

He has cut back a lot because I have told him I will leave him if he doesn’t stop or at least cut right back

[greenpea]

@Helmar  Hi Helmar I have to be honest here which won't sound pretty but my father was a alcoholic and was abusive when drunk and it was not pretty. It, the relationship, will not improve whilst he is drinking and if you are thinking of bringing children into the relationship think again children should not be brought up in a abusive household period. My advice is to get out now and don't look back no matter how apologetic he is he is a abusive drunk and will remain so. greenpeaxx

[Helmar]

My children are all grown. My youngest is moving in with her partner in next few days. I’m absolutely heart broken . Iv cried most the night . I’m lost and confused.