Thank you for your feedback DefientPanda,
In my case, the subconscious retaliation towards others, that you are talking about, sprigns directly from fear. As a child who was treated oddly by my parents, not knowing if they were in a good mood or not, not knowing if they were going to spank me or not, for a reason or not, because alcohol made my parents unpredictable, I was conditioned not only not to trust adults, or anyone for that matter, but to subconsciously dislike myself and everything around me.
Here is what Thomas Harris , a prominant psychiatrist, writes in his book I'm OK you're OK on page 105:
"In the manic depressive personality (which is today Bipolar Disorder) ...we frequently find a strong, if not overbearing parent, which contains contradictory commands and permissions recorded very early - probably, on the basis of Piaget's observations, during the first two years of life....Freida Fromm-Reichmann noted that a person who shows manic depressive (bipolar) swings was, as a rule, brought up under the shadow of great inconsistencies [alcoholism]."
What this means is that alcoholic parents are unpredictable like one minute they may be smiling at the child and the next they may become aggressive and even beat the child for little or no reason. The behaviour is that of an intoxicated parent who shows erratic movements, and gives erratic signals to the child. The damage to the little child's psyche is unimmaginable. There is no doubt that we are great survivers and that we have been trhough a lot. No wonder that we have the problems that we have.
I have a drink occasionally and sometimes more than one but only occasionally and do not get drunk. THe fact is that these children that have been traumatizes in this way often become drug addicts or alcoholics. It is a vicious circle I was reading somewhere.
ANyway it is good to be aware of it because we are good people deep down we simply need to become aware and help ourselves. We are good people no doubt.
Today I have many friends with bipolar. I just communicated with one yesterday who is very intelligent, a very positive and kind person who helps others and struggle with bipolar. But he does not see that he needs some kind of therapy because he still carries a big chip on his shoulder and I wish that I could help him because this fact will no doubt interfere with his dealings with others; but sometimes to say something like this is difficult and not always appropriate because I am not a psychologist. I sincerely hope that he becomes aware of it one of these days, because he is totally oblivious to this fact. He can also retaliate towards others psychologically though I don't think he is fully aware of it.
Anyway, enough said about this somehow sad topic that needs to be discussed. It is not our fault, really, it is the fault of our parents and of our society. So many children are much mistreated. Some get over the ordeal but some don't and suffer terrible repercussion when they grow, like us. Never mind.
Life is still beautiful and we can do much to help ourselves. We deserve it and, deep down, we are caring people, people who deserve to find peace and some happiness.
Thank you for reading this and for the feedback. I do believe that sometimes, to get better, one has to get worse in terms of facing and resolving all of this sad stuff which is hard to confront.
In conclusion, it is only normal that we subconsciously retaliate verbally or psychologically towards others because, as children, we not only lost trust in people, but we got caught up in a cycle of disappointments and moods swings. A terrible state of uncertainty where we, as little children, did not know what was going to happen next and we lived in fear of this uncertainty.
Of course, this is relevant for peopole that have a variety of different mental disorders such as depression, bipolar, anxiety and so on. SOme people may have one or more of these disorders. I suffer with anxiety, OCD or obsessive compusive disordere, depression and some elevated moods. Makes life interesting.
