Discovering emotions

[Chris]

So started back at dbt yesterday. It proved to be much harder than I thought it was going to be.Being in a room with five other people was very challenging. The module we started was emotion regulation. Oh boy. I find it to be the most challenging of all the subjects.For such a long time I have been switched off to them.I didnt recognise what I was feeling, I just knew I felt awful.Its been a slow process in learning to recognise what I feel, and I put up alot of resistance to feeling it.

But its changing. I have very mixed feeling about it. There's some relief, there's fear, there's resistance,there surprise there the a ha moment of so this is what it is, and there's fear of it being totally overwhelming, and not being able to cope.

So yesterday there was fear,anxiety there was agitation, then came anger and frustration. And I was trying to make sense of it all. The anger and frustration kept rising. I wanted to scream and yell abuse at everyone, and that just isn't me.I got home and it was still there,and quiet frankly it was doing my head in.

So what was all this about? I think it goes back to when I finished dbt prematurely. Both the facilitators rang me and both said they would call me back in a couple of days. Neither of them did that. What a profound effect that had on me. I felt let down, and I felt that they didn't care. Logically I could say they simply forgot, but to my emotion mind it was a big let down and proof I could trust no one

It has a had a profound affect on me. I havn't been able function all day today. While the anger has died down it's still on my. So what to do. Well I know what I should do, what the right thing to do is, to address this with the facilitators. The only way I can do this I feel is privately, not in the group setting. I don't know if they will agree as we are encouraged to address issues in the group. The other thing I feel bad about is one of the facilitators lost her husband to suicide just before Christmas.Another reason I feel I cant address this in group. I feel so angry I'm scared I will loose control and start ranting and raving

Well I guess I will just have to wait and see

.

[Baboo]

Ive learnt that when some one says their going to call you back- and they dont. I need to ring them to get my answer/response or assistance. Because they may have like 500 things to get done in their work place. Its still not ok they didnt make contact back. But a polite reminder is ok. " hello, you were ment to call me yesterday- but i thought id just ring seeing i didnt get to hear from you......"

[kristin]

Hey @Chris 

Good for you working on this very difficult and painful stuff. Will it help to know that learning to switch off to your emotions (dissociation/numbing) is a life-saving thing in trauma? Trying to reconnect can feel totally overwhelming. You wil get there, be patient and keep going. You will get there, slowly. It's a very worthwhile journey. You might think of it as fostering a friendship with your inner self. Like any friendship it takes time and patience.

The volatile feelings can make it very difficult, you will get there if you persist. The stuff you mention about the group and the facilitators is very hard. I can say that the point of raising it in the group is that you generally learn more (and others learn too) but I would also say that what is most important is that you feel safe to speak out about your concerns, whether in the group or out. Trust your intuition (not your logic) here. I also hear your concern about one of the facilitators, and that she may not be in a space to hear you. To be honest i'm surprised she's back at work in such a demanding and potentially emotionally fraught environment so soon afterward.

Please take care of you.

Good change can happen... and hope endures.

Kindest  regards,
Kristin

[kato]

Hi @Chris 

i was wondering if i could ask you a few questions regarding DBT?????

I have been recieving treatment and help etc for a few months now, and i am waiting to see a new psychiatrist, to discuss all things aspects etc of what i go through, but i have only done what i think is some very basic things, i was curious about what DBt is exactly.......

if you don't feel comfortable discussing it, i won't press you to, so don't feel obligated ok 🙂

Thank you

[Chris]

Hi Kato, I'm quiet happy to talk to you about dbt.So Dialectic Behaviour Therapy.This was developed by Marcia Linehan, who was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.She developed this program(very simplified. You can google her) Ok so ther are four learning components.Mindfulness,Emotion regulation,Interpersonal effectiveness, and Emotion Regulation, Distress tolerance

Emotion Regulation

is about learning our emotiond,learning how we feel them. Bodyly changes, our body languege what we did and said and what was the function of the emoption(to comunicae,to motivate, to self validate.

Interperonal effectiveness

.Learning to put in boundries, say no and improve our ability to get what we want.

Mindfullness  this can be as simple as slowing your breathing. Count 1 thousand and 1 1 thousand and 2 1 thousadnd and 3 (in then same out) youtube has alot of mindfulness practice. Find what works for you.

Distress Tolerence

learning to tolerate our distress seems obvious doesnt it.and easier said than done. Things like distraction, self soothing, have shower, use some nice scented lotion.Put together a sensory box that have meaning for you. mine is as follows.

Sight I have a picture of my oldest grandaughter in my box.Looking at her when I feel I cant go on ,stops me from harming myself.

Smell

My favourite scents. Rose,Lavender, eucaliptus. I found them very powerful

Touch hand cream

Hearing

mp3 player with my favourite music

Don't panic I know it all sounds overwhelming, as you go through you will start to become more aware and things slowly fall into place. Its like anything it take time and practice. I am hear to tell you it works.It can be confronting at times, but if you stick with it in these times that is when you learn the most.

If you have a private hospital with a psychiatric ward, they may also offer outpatient programs. Attendance is one day a week, and you must have a individual psychologist.Again a public hospital, with a psychiatric ward may run an outpatient program. From what I understand they vary a bit in the length I am fortunate enough to go private and am now on my fourth round (I'm a slow learner!)There quiet a lot of info on line, you could google your area to see whats available, and also there can be a bit of a waiting list. It is also very beneficial if you have a therapist that's trained in DBT,it helps to reinforce and clarify what you learn.

Hope all that helps

chris

[kato]

Thank you very much @Chris 

ok i think my psychologist has me started on this style of learning, errrmm i believe i am doing mindfulness, breathing and focusing just on that, acknowledging, emotions as they arise but then going back to the breathing, altho i think she called it my dedicated worry time or something,

you have explained very well, so i thank you for taking the time to respond 🙂

i think my biggest struggle will be emotional regulation and i think that will be tricky for me, i seem to have blocked off having "feelings" so to speak.

I will do some you tubing tonight, i am all worked up so sleep will not come easily for me tonight, it might just put in good stead to bide my time

thank you again

[peace]

@Chris I just want to say "thank you" also. I think all those things can be incorporated into many people's lives, especially mine. I enjoy practising mindfulness. Yet the other components I don't believe I have focused one. It might help that out of control/lost feeling I get sometimes.
It gives a clear picture of how to help one self in the struggle of living.

[Chris]

Im glad I was of some help.Emotion Regulation is the hardest for me, and I think it is for alot of people. But if you stick with it at its hardest, that's when you make major breakthroughs.Easier said than done I know.Baby steps and don't be too hard on yourself through this journey.

[isabella]

Hi Chris ... how much it hurts when those in need get let down by others and the words "I will follow up on you". .....

I hear you ... isn't there only four emotions maximum??? Fear, anxiety, elation and agitation??? 🙂 hang in there.

The thought of feeling those feelings other than anything I know ... freaks me out!

(I say in jest) - I am impressed you are trying emotion regulation ...

Privately I agree with you ... address your issues privately to allow you the space to get your words out ...

[isabella]

Ahhh ... I like that you said .. baby steps and don't be too hard on yourself through this journey...... wise words. 🙂