Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Gwynn]

@Member156, DEARMAN is a skill used when you absolutely MUST get what you want, it's not about listening to you (the GIVE skill) or by making yourself heard and have that sense of self-respect, even if you accept that you won't get what you want (the FAST skill). 

I'm concerned that if you try to 'fight fire with fire' by using DBT terms back to him, he will beat you with experience.  

The 'middle path' is part of DBT that is about balancing two opposites, rather than being 'all or nothing'.  In this situation (& correct me if I'm wrong) his want is the two of you in a romantic relationship, raising your child together.  What you've described as your wants right now is already a middle path between the option of no contact and the family unit, and I'm not sure he realises this.  Please gather your supports around you.  Until he accepts that your romantic relationship is over, it's going to be very difficult to communicate effectively with him about childcare decisions.

[Gwynn]

As another thought, you may be his "favourite person" and that's why he spirals when you tell him you're leaving. SANE recommends BPD Australia's Family Connections course, it could be helpful. https://www.bpdaustralia.org/about-family-connections/