Awareness of Women's Mental Health

[Maggie]

@Appleblossom I know it's a huge issue, I take on the blame for some of the worlds issues. Some years ago, I went into my psychs office totally convinced I had caused the port Arthus tragedy. She had never been speachless till that moment, and I so much needed a response. I did eventually get one from her, but it's never sat right. Her take on it was that I'm not that powerful, my take on it is, I felt powerless, completely opposite.

[Maggie]

@Owlunar My mother was narcisstic, an alcoholic with undiagnosed mental health issues. A very sick unhappy woman. I was rarely allowed to talk as a child, and when I did, every word had to count, not that it mattered anyway. To this day communicating is extremely painful for a number of reasons. In real life, getting a sentence out can be challenging, but inside my head, it's normal, normal to me anyway. Sometimes I find myself searching for a crumb of self worth. Still searching.

Its a complex and very interesting topic. Good on you for starting this thread.

[Appleblossom]

@Maggie

Re self-blaming and internalising and introjection ... it is complicated. 

Being WOMEN we are raised to be more connected and see yourself in terms of relationship more than personal achievement which is the focus for males.

Part of the common conversations that we are all connected can be warm and fuzzy and positive but if there is that fear we are bad, it can blow out of control.

It was probably good you could eventually articulate your feelings about PA massacre in person to the psych, even if it felt so deeply personal and powerless about it.  Do you mind posting how do you feel and think about it now?  Has your thinking and feeling about it changed over time ...

It will take me a long time to work through the trauma and shame literature.  I am still coming to terms with the level of neglect and trauma I experienced.  My thinking and feeling and level of being triggered is changing and evolving, but now at least I have a positive mental health care team.  You guyz are part of it.

  Take Care ALL

especially  @Maggie @utopia @Sophia1 @Shaz51 and of course @Owlunar

[Maggie]

@Appleblossom Has my thinking changed??? Possibly not!!!! I have a solid foundation of self blame. I feel like the biggest hipocrit most of the time, because I can sincerely encourage others not to blame themselves, and believe it for them, but..... try am hard as I do, nothing is breaking down the solid foundation of self blame and shame. I know it's illogical in my head, I know it's a double standard. I also strongly believe I am bad to the core. Doesn't go much deeper than that.

That being said, I am breaking through some brain washing from the past and saying what I believe, even though that belief does change. Free to be different.

[Appleblossom]

Oh dear @Maggie 

That is deeply ingrained.  

I know I was luckier in the christian approaches in my day were more enlightened and less hell and brimstone.  I suffered as my mother wrote a letter about me being evil, but I did not truly believe it ... just struggled with all the ambivalence.  I believe we are all a mix and capable of good and bad.  I leave the evil word for serious issues.

I hope one day the logical side of you can connect deeply to shift that mistake sadly lodged so deep.

[Maggie]

@Appleblossom 💕💜💛

[Sophia1]

@Maggie

I can relate to so many different sentences...

magical thinking was " wow my daydreaming" I do not remember a time when I didn't

my need to find acceptance...be the same as....be loveable...be good enough..

always needing to ask more and more questions...

cannot respond as I would like at the moment..

noisy paper shredder being used next to me...

how dare he! laugh

in the interim please take care

you are definitely not alone in thinking well wishing well providing positive suggestions reaffirmations for others...never self..

[Appleblossom]

Sometimes we REALLY do need to continue telling our Australian stories and not over generalise into other cultures and nations.

My most popular, decent, honest and successful biological uncle went to Port Phillip in his attempt to understand the Australian mentality.  He lived here for about 50 years, but migrated a second time for a second marriage.  Now he completely overlooks his Australian period and identifies as Dutch and American.  For me it is just another example of how my nuclear family's stories fell through the cracks.  He is a part of my extended family.  I do not keep tabs or use language to be pedantic, but to achieve some accuracy.

Older people have often put me down and I have carried blame/abuse from an aunt about being lucky about having an easier Christianity to live by ...beluieve me I know... I had put a lot of effort into being good and grateful and affectionate and ....but her rejection of me was sheer bloody mindedness ...

Women do need to look out for each other ... call it whatever ... feminism ... womenism ... girlism .. ...  she ism

[Owlunar]

Hi @Appleblossom@Sophia1@Maggie@utopia@Shaz51 etc

I have decided I have hay fever - I have lost the track of my thinking on this subject over the last few days - I got a new packet of antihistamines and they work for a while but I think it's my cat's fur - she has a lot of fur to shed and I have spells of feeling physically miserable

But I am still here - and just to keep in touch I took the cat to the vet for her shots etc yesterday and I find she is in a much better mood but here I am - not sure of where I was the last time I wrote

But I have read what other people have written

So where am I?

I had read a great deal about the kinds of parents other people have - not just in this thread and not just in this forum and I wonder a lot - my mother was the sweetest little old lady - a wonderful great-grandmother - so much loved - I nearly threw up at her funeral and fainted afterwards - all that false sugary stuff - aw no - it was too much - my repressed memories came back and terrified me and this is not something I have shared  with many other people - I don't want to write about it - I have spoken to professional people about it and my terrible feelings about her abuse are less but they are still there and I doubt they will ever go away

Children are so helpless and vulnerable. They know so little. Personally I can hardly believe that people can be cruel to children and I know how trying some children can be.

I may have written this before - some of it I know I have - I did a deep dive on my mother and I can say I know the reasons for some of her behaviour and reasons are not excuses

I am feeling tired from sneezing and think I will leave this for now and get back to it - I have anwered a few messages in other threads but feel as if this is enough and I had better cook my dinner early or I will miss out because I am feeling really wiped out with so much sneezing - I mean - it does go away and come back and go away and come back as people who have allergies to inhaled substances know

So yes - I will be back - I am so thrilled with the responses to this subject and I will add something I heard in a movie today

"Self-esteem is built from hopefulness and resiliance"

There must be times when we cannot feel hopeful or resiliant - I know I have had times like that - those dark nights are rotten mornings when we cannot see past ourselves and what we are battling with

But yes - I think those are two things that can help - we can talk about those things

I hope to get back later

And thanks everyone - thanks so much

Dec

[Maggie]

@Owlunar Hope you get better soon