Anti-Social Personality Disorder

[riley]

I am worried my ex has ASPD and may pass it on to my daughter through genes and enviroment. She has been diagnosed with BPD, Trictotillamnia and is a Pathological liar. Since I left though a Family and Phsych Report have both raised concerns she has ASPD. She has told terrible lies and has no insight into the hurt they cause eg her parents are dead and her dad abused her as a child, all lies. I always had a gut instinct there was something wrong but when you love someone you make excuses for their behavour. It's like she knows the words but can't hear the music. The emotional hurt has led to severe depression for me and at times in the past I was suicidal. I have been diagnosed with a major depressive disorder. Does anyone else have experience dealing with someone with ASPD and the unique toll they have on their love ones and society?

[Sahara]

Hi @riley,

I am sorry to hear about your daughter. It must me very troubling for you. Can I ask how old she is and does she see a psychlogist?

I am not familiar with ASPD, so can you tell us a bit about it, if you feel up to it? That's fine if you can't explain right now. 

Please write back and let us know how you are going. And make sure you take some time to look after yourself. Do you have any support?

[riley]

Thanks @Sahara my daughter is 6 and yes she has seen a phschologist in the past but I think she is too young to see a physchologist and she is not showing any sighns of ASPD yet. Characteristics of ASPD are a limited capacity to feel empathy for others and deceiteful and manipulative behavour. Yes I have the love and support of wonderful family and friends.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @riley

I would suggest making an appointment with a psychologist who treats people with this disorder to discuss your concerns about your daughter.  

There may be early intervention programs that can intervene with the development of this disorder which your daughter can be introduced to at an appropriate age - ie activities that are designed to develop empathy - or community based activities that are recommended like psychodynamic role play.

It is likely from the child's point of view that these activities are not recognised as therapy, but are very effective.

it sounds like you are going to need some reassurance to achieve peace of mind.  Children are generally naturally highly intuitive, so your daughter will recognise your hyper-vigilance in regard to assessing her behaviour without understanding what you are scanning her for, and it can affect her self-esteem if she is left with the feeling she has done something wrong, or alternatively, develops a need for constant attention ....

This may sound heavy going, but speaking with a psychologist may put your mind at ease very quickly, and result in a far more relaxed and trusting relationship with your daughter, which is what she is going to need going forward.

I hope this helps ....

🌷

[riley]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope At this stage I am just trying to teach her the importance of love and truth and yes she is very intuitive. A recent conversation she asked me why mummy always says bad things about me. I told her mummy is sad in here( and pointed to my heart) and told her she needs to give mum lots of hugs.

[Faith-and-Hope]

That is important 😊

Its a tough call .... I know what I went through with my in-law family, having to develop empathy within my kids, bust also teaching them how to raise a shield against harmful, hurtful behaviours, and recognise that the responsibility for those behaviours belonged with the people who were dealing in injury, not anything they (the kids) had personally done or deserved ....  it helped to talk about the childhood influences on the "injured" adults around them, so the kids could understand how those behaviours had developed as a coping mechanism.

Its all part of the empathy journey, but it is also vital to understand that you yourself require empathy from yourself, and to not just absorb injury continually as an empath .... you, and your daughter, owe it to yourselves to draw boundaries around hurtful behaviour emanating from others, and politely but firmly state what you are prepared to accept, and what you will step away from if it is dished up in your direction ....

Part of delving with their past injuries is having someone tell that person, or those people, that how they are choosing to behave is unacceptable.  They are then faced with the choice of alienating themselves further from others, or learning how to deal with past hurts instead of passing them forward, and find a healthier, more positive way forward for themselves ....

Big virtual hugs .... very distressing journey, but your guardianship of your daughter will have a lot of rewarding moments.

🌷

[Former-Member]

Hi @riley welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing.

We have not had too many discussions on here about ASPD that I'm aware of, so hopefully some other members will know more about this diagnosis and jump in. I recall@Nuckirb saw a counsellor who suggested they may fit this diagnosis but I am not sure it was officially diagnosed. Feel free to jump in Nickurib if you'd like to share your thoughts.

It sounds like your daughter has been really challenging for you and it's not all that clear what's happening for her. Six is extremely young to be given a diagnosis of BPD or ASPD. Personality disorders are not usually diagnosed until the late teen years (18+) though clinicians may identify particular individual traits that fit with certain PD criteria. Antisocial PD strictly cannot be diagnosed before 18 years of age. It is so important to be cautious with diagnoses at this young age, because children's personalities are not fully established at six, they are growing and developing and changing at such a rapid rate, their environment and life experiences are constantly evolving, so making a diagnosis like this can be inaccurate or unreliable over time. Other conditions such as conduct disorder or oppositional defiant disorder are more commonly diagnosed in childhood. I wonder have you ever got a second opinion?

Im sorry to hear this situation has left you feeling so depressed at times. I hope you feel supported and welcome here - you are among friends 🙂

[pip]

Dear riley. Can I ask if she is your only child? If you have other children older or younger, it could be a way of drawing the attention she thinks she isn't getting. Quite often the eldest, middle or youngest child suffers a form of jealousy/anxiety through lack of attention. By lack of attention, I mean, she may feel this way. I'm not suggesting for one minute that, that is the case. This in no way reflects on your ability as a mother, it sometimes means the child in question is searching for a role model in mum/dad/sibling. They will tell lies and sometimes resort to stealing to gain the attention they feel deprived of. If you can get help through a child therapist/psychologist it would benefit you and your daughter. I assume she has no contact with her dad, she could be feeling her daddy doesn't love her. This is also a real fear for children when mum and dad part. No matter how he hurt you, if he doesn't have contact with her, she's going to take this as rejection and possibly become more troubled. If he has contact, ask him to help as much as possible. Make sure your daughter knows your separation is nothing to do with her.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @riley

.... If I understood you correctly ....

It was your ex who has been diagnosed ......

.... and your concern is how your daughter might be affected by the diagnosis of her mother ??

..., whether your daughter might inherit her mother's illness genetically ??

[riley]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope your right it is my ex who concerns have been raised about not my daughter. My concern is they know so little about this disorder and there is no cure. They do not know( Physcs) if it is inherited or the enviroment but most believe it is a combination of both.