14th year house bound

[hiddenite]

Hey J my daughter's have been wanting to come here, they can go to the beach and they have a big back yard here where they can play and ride their bikes and go for walks.

I don't know how I'm going to manage all the triggers but my girls happiness is more important than me.

I've had IBS for 15 years, I try not to go anywhere that doesn't have toilets. I also have accidents. It makes you feel so humiliated but nothing helps. I've tried everything.

Hope your day was ok thinking of you j

Karen

[Jacques]

Wow Karen, and you think you are not a good mum?  you are sacrificing your MH for the girls, you are an awesome mum, it is a big burden to bear, if you need to vent, please feel free, i have a shoulder you can lean on.

I hope the girls appreciate your sacrifice.

Karen maybe you need to try and make some good memories to take the place of the bad ones, try to focus on the scenery and now the house.

OMG i am glad i am not the only one who has accidents, it is horrible, i have told no one about my accidents, i was so ashamed.

Karen my day was good, i slept this afternoon, but i am feeling good.  Karen please be safe, your safty is so important to me, i don't know what i would do if something would happen to you, i could not bear it.

[hiddenite]

Yea j it is humiliating I haven't told anyone either.

I might just need a big shoulder to lean on, I hope your up to it:-)

That's a great way of looking at it making new happy memories, I might need reminding though.

I'm certainly not looking forward to going to bed. I would rather spend the night in my car.

It's going to be a long week I hope I'm strong enough

Karen

[Jacques]

Karen can you sleep in another room?, maybe sleep on the couch?

is it possible to put the girls in that room and you sleep in their room?

Karen you are an incredable person, i could not even imagine doing what you are doing. i can't believe you did it.

yes Karen, this is the time to make a negative a positive, you need to make some new memories, maybe get the girls to decorate the room or something, something nice to remember.

Maybe go down to the water and look at the penguins, do something that makes you happy Karen.

I will be on here all week to support you, is it just you and the girls?

[hiddenite]

Unfortunately no other room for me as my parents are here as well. They have not left me alone since I made an attempt on my life in March this year.

They think if they watch me 24/7 that I won't make another attempt.

It's that time of year when the penguins are nesting, there are rabbits everywhere and the plover have young they are so tiny.
Thanks for the support j

[Jacques]

Karen well at least your parents arre caring about you, would it be possible to have a "camp out" with the girls, in the back yard or something like that, make it an adventure.

does your parents know what happened in that room? maybe if they knew they would not let you sleep in their.

Karen i know someone watching you will not stop another attempt, but please make sure you call crisis line if you are thinking about it, or go straight to emergency.

OMG that sounds so magical, so many tiny animals, please Karen, Make some new memories, enjoy the animals, focus less on the house and more on the wildlife.

sorry to be so uneducated, but what is a polver? i have never heard of them before.

[hiddenite]

Hey j

A plover is a small bird with long legs. They make their nests on the ground, so they are everywhere. For some reason they like the side of the dirt road, they make a funny squawking sound if they get scared.

There are also some cape Barron geese that have had 6 young. They are big grey birds that also nest on the ground.

I'm so glad you saved the lamb today.

No my parents say they will never understand why I did it. That they are ashamed of me.

That I should just get over it. They don't understand Mi.

They know what happened in that room because the hospital mental health team told them because they told them that I am too fragile to be here.

Mum told me I had to stop running away and face it.

I wish someone could understand.

[Jacques]

I am so sorry they treat you that way, i thought they would understand, especially your mother, being a woman, she should know how traumatic it would be for you.

OMG the polver sound so cute, i wish i could see them. i will look them un on the net.

Karen i think they are struggling to understand because they have never had MI, they can't understand.

Karen i am not a woman, but i could imagine you felt so violated, so helpless, i don't know how you manage, it is not fair you have to relive this trauma again.  I will be here for you no matter what, i will always support you, you are my friend and i will never let you go.

[hiddenite]

Jacques I just want you to know how much I appreciate you and your friendship, support and understanding. You are so important to me, the only one who understands. I am holding on so tight and I don't want to let go.

Thank you for your friendship I'm so lucky and privileged to know you.

Take care Jacques

Karen

[Jacques]

please never let go my angel, i am always going to be with you, you will always be in my heart, you have saved me more times than you will ever know.

Karen i will be here for you all day and night if thats what it takes to help you through this week.