hey @Elusive_fairy just wanted to write to say youre not alone in feeling all the big feelings ramping up around this time of year. Im in a similar place, also having walked away from my own toxic relationship recently.
Grief can run its course in unexpected ways. It seems like the anger and injustice of it all is surging strong. And the anger is a very normal part of the process.
I relate to that feeling of wanting to just internally combust and wanting to talk about it all till im worn out. Its like I havent found a satisfying outlet.
Im not one to offer much specific advice, as everything is quite nuanced, however Ill suggest something Ive been doing that seems to help me a bit, or atleast stave off the intensity of the feelings.
I use my voice recorder feature on my phone and just talk and talk and talk till I tire myself out.
Then sometimes I go back and relisten and write things down (If Im in the right headspace for it).
It sucks not having people I feel comfortable to be that open with, but I work with what I have and just try to be nice to myself through the process.
This time of year is tough for those who dont feel they have much as its like a constant reminder you cant escape.
It will pass though. If all you do is hunker down through it and get lost in some soothing comforts (mines tv shows) then thats more than enough.
Self care is important, and especially this time of the year because theres just a bit more weight added to that load all of us on here carry.
P.S. I cant remember where I heard this and if Ill get the wording right.
"All rotten fruit falls"
Ruminating over an abusive/ cruel/ stinky ex suuuuucks. all we can do is move forward, try to learn from the experience (whats in our control), and strive to rebuild ourselves back up with a stronger foundation.
Rage is fire. Let that fire rebirth you like a phoenix from the ashes ♡
