Is he cheating on me guys??

[Veemay05]

Hey,

I hope someone can give me some advice 🙏. 

I've been in a relationship for almost 10 years. We have 2 children. One lives with him because he doesn't like the city. I've got this weird feeling he's been cheating on me. It started before I even moved down here. Condoms were going missing and he was blaming my 12yr old son. I just ignored it. Most days after he finished work he would come home with weird scratches on him or little hickies that he would blame on the toddler. Yes, I questioned him again but he denied it, and yes, as ignored it again. 

Last year we met up so our son could go back and live with him. When we met up obviously you'd expect to get excited and get into the romantic stuff. Well, we were that night and he couldn't get it up, literally, everything we did it just wasn't happening. When I ignored him and got upset (without showing him that I was) I think he felt sorry for me and felt that he now had to do it. 

Now, I'm mentally fucked, I don't know what to do. A few weeks before he came down to spend Xmas with us, I rang him and my our child said,"Mum I thought that you was in the bed with dad, it looked like you." He laughed it off and called our child silly. 

So, he spent Xmas here. Stayed for a whole month. The last week he became very weird, walking off with the baby by himself, not walking next to me. Going for walks without asking me to go with him. 

The day he leaves everything was fine. I went back for a week. The first night was fine and the next morning, then after having a shower I find condoms under the sink in the bathroom. I asked him why do you have condoms he said I didn't put them there baby someone's setting me up... FUCK!!!!!!!! It's driving me insane!!!!!! Everytime I call now it's like he doesn't want to talk. When im on facetime he puts the phone down and walks off... or just passes the phone to our child and say here talk to your mother. Do guys think he's cheating on me? 

[tyme]

Hey @Veemay05 ,

I'm so so sorry this has been happening. I can see you have spoken to him directly, but he has not really responded adequately.

I can see why you have these hesitations and thoughts in your mind.

I wonder if you can open up to him and tell him how you are feeling because of all this 'evidence'?

And in a way, children don't lie about what they see...

[Veemay05]

I've been telling him how I'm feeling and he keeps saying,"baby, I would never do that. Just me you and our kids sleep in that bed why would I ever do that." 

He's still saying he doesn't know how the condoms got into the house. He just said,"Could you of brang them home in a little package sort of thing that healthcare gives out to people." I said,"I haven't been at the house in over a year, the last time I was, I was grabbing my stuff out of that cupboard to pack." 

I asked him again about what our child saw. He said,"That's really creepy, I think that's why he doesn't like sleeping in his room because he says he hears things." 

The bloke has a story for everything. I told him that I don't believe him. 

I have work all this week and am planning on going back on the weekend without telling him. Idk I'll just see what happens. I think I just need to sell everything and move on with my life and he can just start from scratch again. It's just really sad. I haven't slept in days. 

[tyme]

I really hear that this is eating you up @Veemay05 . It is understandable that you feel this way. 

At the same time, would you give him the benefit of the doubt and wait a little longer before jumping to things like selling everything? For the sake of your children?

At the same time, I hear that your gut is telling you something is up....

Just to clarify, have you always lived separately?

[Veemay05]

No, this is this first time. 

I've been trying so hard though to talk, even when I was with him, I dropped the kids off at his relatives house so we can talk in peace and he just wasn't having any of it. He denied everything. 

I was just speaking to him, and today he was denying it all but was over the top nice about everything. 

It's been months of different things popping up, and I'm just tired. I think if I can't get through to him over the weekend and get some answers, I'm just going to fold and walk away. 

I just keep second guessing myself though and what I should really do... I've been trying to talk to him, what else should I do? 

[tyme]

That's so tough @Veemay05 .

I'm thinking speaking more along the lines of, "I've been really concerned that you are not being open and honest with me. I've hardhly slept because I'm thinking about this all the time. I'm at the point where I want to walk away. Please be honest with me. Do you still want to be together?"

The hard part is, what happens if he IS being honest?

Also, if he says he IS cheating, are you still going to walk away?

And if he says he's not, are you still going to walk away?

Do YOU still want to be with him?

[tyme]

Hey @Veemay05 , how are you? We are thinking about you.