Feeling lost

[BPDmum1]

Hi I am new to this forum. My son was fully diagnosed with complex BPD just over 12 months ago. He suffered mental ill health since a young age due to severe trauma. I feel like I’m losing my son, he continually says I don’t listen or understand. He calls when I’m working and because I didn’t give him the response he wanted he lost it and says I don’t care, I don’t understand where he’s coming from and that my lack of response is disrespectful. Every time I try and say something it’s wrong and I offend him. What do I do?? 

[Macqua]

@BPDmum1 Welcome and thanks for sharing.

I was diagnosed with BPD 2-3 years ago (time flies when you’re having fun) and still get mad when someone doesn’t give me the answer I’m looking for. For me, I already know what I want but for someone to confirm it. Perhaps ask what your son thinks before you answer with a solution. 

Whatever you do though, don’t give up as the feeling of loneliness can be brutal on us with BPD. We already tend to feel it even if we were in a room of friends/family so just continue to support as much as you can. 

I call my mum everyday on her lunch break just for a chat to know I’m not alone. 

Are you seeking professional help at all at the moment?

[Ru-bee]

Hi @BPDmum1 and welcome to the forums

This sounds as though it's such a confusing time for both of you. I hear that your son is feeling like you don't understand, and I'm wondering whether you feel you do understand his diagnosis and what BPD can be like, or is this something that you think would be beneficial to learn more about?

I know that it can be really hard, but sometimes the best thing you can do is to be there, even if you're not always saying the right thing, or everything you do seems to offend, just being there and reaching out as you have been clearly shows that you're there to support them. Having said this, providing support for loved ones can be really hard, so it's important that you're taking the time to care for yourself. As @Macqua asked, do you have any supports right now to lean on during this time?