So, three years ago, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with BPD with high levels of ASPD (antisocial personality disorder).
Now i did not agree with the ASPD because i had a sense of remorse and guilt.
my behaviors got worse my lies and lack of respect of people's boundary's which goes back years and majority of my current marriage which has faced some serios hits because of me shit and not giving a f**k.
recently my wife and i had an argument (her yelling at me while i stare through her)
to add context, her autistic son began deregulating after I did not praise him for doing a job without being asked after i had asked him to do something else so for me, he didn't do what he was asked and for me that was stuck in my head and i couldn't let it go. he went to his room crying i followed to calm him down which i can normally do this time didn't work very well. his mum came in and miss understood my closeness to him was not that of aggression or intimidation.
this led to her becoming incredibly angry and protective; to top it off it was Mother's Day.
now here is where the current issue starts,
i have not long gotten back onto social media due to breaking her boundaries and smut on my accounts she let me have Facebook back but told me a firm no to Instagram as that was the main issue of inappropriate content which i had agree was fair.
now back to the fight once things "settled" it was eggshells for the rest of the day which pushed me over and i had a split i was angry and felt an uncontrollable urge of spitefulness followed with the impulsive decision to make a new account which i knew would cause disruption and self-sabotage that decision was wrong and i am now regretting it.
once I had opened the account i came back from my split and realized i did the wrong thing and proceeded to delete it.
brings us to last night when she sent me a screenshot of the account which i thought i had deleted got that wrong.
my spiteful behavior still bit me in the ass even after I thought I had fixed it now that trust I've been working at building has gone again she won't look at the account screenshots showing it is an incomplete account i never finished setting it up. I've tried to explain it and she's not having it. she's removed me off her Facebook as she says I'm a horrible asshole that is just an embarrassment.
I don't get it like she's angry because i made it like on i get that but if you took a moment to look and see that i actually recognised I was making a mistake and stopped i had not accessed the account as i thought i had deleted it.
im stuck in my head with this and dont know how to shift my black and white thinking.
anyone know any apps or helpfull online (free) courses for aspd and bpd im tired of living this life.
