Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[suzanne]

Love an early night @Shaz51.  I can never get to sleep any earlier but it's so nice to be tucked up in bed!  All good with me thanks.  I hope you feel more rested tomorrow.  Great news on the test results.  How's Mr Shaz?

[Shaz51]

ahhhh @suzanne,

Mr shaz is back on all his meds again , he has been taking them and going off them for weeks until he is ready to go to hospital ( nearly ) and thn starts taking them again

he is ok this week but very anious about work

Yes I get up 3 or 4 times during the night because of the kidney

[suzanne]

That sounds like a roller-coaster for you both @Shaz51.  Let's hope he stays on them a bit longer and gets some stability this time.

[Shaz51]

me too @suzanne,

I know he will try again  as he does not like the side affects and the last Gp said he should be on them short term

but I will keep saying if they make a difference stay on them

Thank you @suzanne for your time to chat

[Shaz51]

Hello @suzanne 

How are you today

when I saw your name , I wanted to ask you a question

hope you don`t mind

for a Carer /wife of a husband who has Mental Illness --- When Our partners are Low , having a bad day or a couple of bad days and not talking

WHY is it that we as partners think or act that it is us and what we have done wrong -- is this normal ???

Hello @Jane9, @Anony18, @PeppiPatty, @SpikeOz, @Determined, @Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope, @Appleblossom, @Lesley,

[suzanne]

Hey @Shaz51, I was just popping in to sort out a technical glitch but it's good to hear from you 🙂  I think the response depends on the person.  When my partner is struggling he becomes less communicative. I tend to let it go for a few days and then give him a nudge about it.  Maybe it's my profession, but I tend not to take it personally. 

But it would be entirely normal for others to feel as if the issue was their fault in some way.  I wonder if reminding yourself that it's an expected symptom or behaviour that's part of the cycle of health and illness would help?  If he loses his appetite or feels less demotivated, do you tend to blame yourself then too?  It's probably easier to rightly place the responsibility for some things with the illness than take it on yourself.

Does what @Shaz51 is saying resonate with anyone else?

[Shaz51]

thank you @suzanne 

@suzanne, you wrote --- I tend to let it go for a few days and then give him a nudge about it.

I am a lot better than I was , but sometimes I am still surprised when my Husband starts to tell me what was wrong -- which could of been resolved days a go when he first thought about it

[Appleblossom]

@Shaz51so glad you resurrected this thread. Dtont think I noticed it before.  I feel like that a lot ... right now actually.

I notice the subtle ways we influence each other. For me in family of origin and creation there was not one care separate from a person with mental illness.  It made it harder to be clear about consequences and different interactions might mean.  Where influences start or end becomes hazy ...

[Appleblossom]

@Shaz51so glad you resurrected this thread. Dtont think I noticed it before.  I feel like that a lot ... right now actually.

I notice the subtle ways we influence each other. For me in family of origin and creation there was not one care separate from a person with mental illness.  It made it harder to be clear about consequences and different interactions might mean.  Where influences start or end becomes hazy ...

[Determined]

That is how I am feeling at the moment @Shaz51 @suzanne

Or more than that, that my Darling is blaming me for something...