Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shaz51]

Ohhh hugs and sitting with you my friend @Determined 

[Smc]

@Determined 

I love Christmas celebrations, but I think get what you mean? There's so much expectation that Christmas will be "all happy", but when there's hard stuff going on, normal expecations go a bit out the window. Have had some hard Christmasses here, am thankful that this one was generally pleasant.

[Determined]

@Smc   I  think that is a big part  but there is also too much focus on 'stuff'

Physical things rather than just being together. I long for more emotional connection and it is more evident for me at this time.of year. This year has been pleasant for our family also but it is all feels a bit thin.  If we didn't have all of the bling I fear it would not have been so nice.   

I see so much waste, everywhere not just our family, and it troubles me when there are so many who go without.  

But always aim to be  grateful that we are all relatively stable and healthy 😊

Glad to hear that things went well for your family. 

Thanks also @Shaz51  + @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

@Determined  we gave up on the bling a while ago, if we have visitors we have a strict "no present"  policy which I know is not appropriate for ones own kids. Limiting the number of gifts and encouraging community activities can help kids see that giving comes in various forms.

[Smc]

We had pressies, but I think the whole family has gotten better over the years at getting worthwhile stuff. It's easier when they're older though. I cringe at waste and overconsumption... we do things like wrapping gifts in scarves, or re-using gift paper, or brown paper, or newspaper/magazine pages, or gift boxes. I like Christmas cards, but I try to make sure they're nice enough to be worth keeping. Ones featuring artwork by local artists instead of the usually Christmas stereotypes. A painting of a rosella in a flowering gum tree looks plenty festive!

Felt weird and uncomfortable for me, given how full I felt after the meals, knowing that there are people who can't afford food. We contribute regularly to a couple of charities that provide food assistance, but know that they don't get enough for everyone who needs it. And that's just in Australia, let alone overseas. At least I know I'll use all the leftovers- those won't be wasted.

Connection's really important. Christmas traditions are useful up to the point where they facilitate that. I suspect, over the years, we've also ended up ditching traditions that didn't work for us. I mean, what's the sense of a celebration that's not enjoyed? Soo... wondering, are there any specfic aspects of "Christmas bling" that you'd really pin down as not-working, which could be done differently?

[Former-Member]

Traditions brings security so they are important.

I agree with @Smc ditch the things that don't work for you and add your own spin on things to make things special for your own family.

I am saving this year's cards to make bunting with. If I don't get around to it, I will recycle them.

[Smc]

Snap, @Former-Member. 🙂 I've been thinking of doing the same.

[Former-Member]

Mine won't be do fancy @Smc just cards and string.

[Determined]

@Smc  for me my issue with bling is the reliance on stuff to be happy.

This troubles me all year round but is amplified at Christmas.

Nothing wrong with having nice things.. for me in our family it is the reliance on nice things to be happy that troubles me.   It is hard to put into words without sounding overly negative about family... 

I was able to have a discussion with Darling today about this. And asked the question could we actually have a nice time without all of the presents. Stuff that gets broken in the first day(s) anyway.  She agreed.but I got the idea that it is not something she is willing to try. 

I suppose my feelings stem from childhood when at one time my family  went without when things were lean but managed to be happy.  We now are so fortunate but manage to feel hard done by when we can't have what we want when we want it 🙁

So shirt answer. Not the bling but reliance on bling that troubles me. 

[Smc]

"Your life is not the sum of your posessions." Yeah, that's a struggle, one way or another. Would a reasonable compromise be to put a spending limit on presents, and make sure that gifts within that limit were "quality not quantity"?

Mind you, the trap there is that I know I'm more likely to get attached to a quality item than a piece of junk... and that still qualifies as "storing up treasures on earth". Learned a few lessons about than when our house got flooded... have somehow kept accumulating "treasures" since.
Still think quality's a better option though.