the longest wait while being petrified

[Former-Member]

@outlanderit is ok not to have all the answers. If you don't know what is the right way to move ahead than thats ok. It's about looking at your options, getting some advice of prefessionals and trying something. If it doesn't work, than you try something else.

I wish hun I had the answers for you (and me), but we both know also that what works for you might not work for me and so forth. It's about finding the best way forward for you, and I am hoping that you do find that soon 

[Sans911]

: the longest wait while being petrified
@Former-Member oh hun, I'm really sorry. It wasnt my intention to distress you, as I know how sensitive are. I guess there was a bit too much brutal truth there and I overstepped the mark. I'm really, really sorry. No, I have no idea of the trauma you've been through, but it was obviously extremely painful and damaging to you and sense of worth. It's terrible that you have suffered so much, in so many ways. I can understand why you gave up at some point. But I just wish you will keep fighting as hard as it is. You are so worth it. I understand about obesity and comfort eating,as I'm still overweight now and struggle to loose weight. And well done on the recent weight loss. You have so much stress in your life @Former-Member. I hope one day you get some peace of mind and respite from all you are going through. Again, please accept my humble apologies.

[outlander]

Thanks @Former-Member no one has answers.
Li1 pointed out my reality. I dont have any friends. I dont have a life off here. I dont. And i know i dont. Ive been trying so hard to do better and i just cant 😢😢😢

[Former-Member]

@outlander, I don't think Li1 meant it like that hun. You do have a life off here, your have your sisters and your Pop (and you mum if you want to add her). I think Li1 was just making a suggestion to try and get out more instead of being on here.

But I understand the need to be on here too. Why wouldn't you come on here when there are people that care about you and you don't have to explain yourself, people just get it 

[outlander]

I know what she meant @Former-Member
Im trying so hars to make a normal life. Or to do things in the real world but its just not happening. I do my usual routine and have no joy in it whatsoever. Shes right. I just dont have a life and i need one. I just dont know how.
I guess thats what ill talk about tomorrow. The trauma work im doing is boring and getting me no where.
I live under a rock in the deepest cave you can find and it needs to change i just have no idea how. And the ways i can think of just arent possible

[outlander]

Ideas on what to do @Former-Member @Sans911 @Former-Member
Or maybe i should just sit here and contemplate

[MDT]

what are you interested in @outlander ? what are you passionate about or enthusiastic about?? start there...

[outlander]

Nothing @MDT nothing makes that fire burn within. Its gone.
My mother showed me a horse for sale tonight and it did nothing to me. I use to get excited at the prospect of a new horse but it did nothing. 'Hes cute. Dont really have the money though' was my answer. Its not about affording it. It doesnt bring fire to my life. I cant find anything that does

[Sans911]

@outlander don't sit there and overthink. It'll just make you anxious. Sounds like you're feeling a little numb. I know I sound like a broken record but can you find something to distract yourself? Writing, drawing, listening to music?

[outlander]

Im on bed now @Sans911 its 10pm here
I cant stop my eyes from leaking. They are drowning my pillows and i cant feel a thing. I feel nothing anymore.