the longest wait while being petrified

[Former-Member]

@outlander, firstly i hope your phone didn't wear it!

Perhpas talk to the psych tomorrow about going to hospital. They might be able to suggest someting for you or know somewhere that you can go for a break.  

NEVER (yes shouty capitals) feel like you are a burden on here. That is not what we think at all. And to tell you the truth it is a distraction from my own problems when I am helping someone else. So it helps me too. I can understand that it is scary feeling like this. We cannot undo what we have already done (and I did some of this this morning too) you just need to be kind to yourself and not be too hard for yourself. 

[outlander]

I cant control it

[Former-Member]

what can't you control @outlander?

[Sans911]

I'm still around @outlander. Sitting by your side. Don't let those bad thoughts win. You can control them. Tell them to bugger off and leave you alone or your Big Sis will punch them in the nose- HARD!

[outlander]

Well you can do that @Sans911 im too tired to do anything.
I keep thinking i should go back to the ed. I dont want to. I think itll make things at home worse for me but i just dont know what else to do
@Former-Member

[Sans911]

@outlander you have to do what's right for you. If you feel unwell, unsafe, panicked and not coping, those are all justified criteria. Put yourself first girl, please. You are more important than your family's opinions.

[Former-Member]

@outlanderi understand that you may not want to make things worse at home, but seriously, you need to put YOURSELF first and do what you think is right for YOU. You have every right to be selfish when it comes so your wellbeing.

[Former-Member]

I got distressed reading your post @Sans911,I know you are right in many things,I don't think no one can understand the trauma I've had .On my walk this morning a therapist was talking about our ",inner child",such as when we have arguments (Just had to find my mother's walking stick and got abused,hard to feel self worth @Sans911),toxic relationships, defending ourselves in arguments,etc.We know when we are distressed,like myself how I go back to inner child).

For me @Sans911,that obese child will be there until the day I die,the one that felt so alone even as a child that she ate for comfort,for stress.I have lost weight past few weeks want to lose what I've put on due to "giving up"and spending a lot of last year and this year in bed.The only thing I struggle with is I have no elasticity in no part of my body due to losing over 100 k in my lifetime.@Sans911,never been intimate with anyone at my age,told the potential ex that as he was the only one I talked to last year.I guess I just feel let down and violated @Sans911,due to feeling vulnerable.He is blocked on Facebook so he doesn't come up as a "friend you may know",and I won't be contacting him again,as the emotional pain last week from finding his two timing ways took its toll.

The supermarket is a public job @Sans911,don't know if it's a good thing,that's why I houseclean as it's a safe place .As stated I have lived my life in flight mode,I don't know if I can stop running.My 15 km walk this morning and the past week with high anxiety has been typical behavior for the past five years,trying to find myself.Dont know if I ever will.

My mother isn't good at all,as stated @Sans911,trouble is I'm getting abuse off her atm which doesn't help.I may not get the job @Sans911, worried about referrers which I will have to ask my housecleaning client which I hate putting anyone in that position.

I love you like I know you thanks for your honesty.@Sans911.Hope you are recovering.

[Former-Member]

@outlander you need to do two things
1.Get a review of the medication because it's obvious something isn't right
2.You need to do something besides being on this website all hours of the day ,walking outside,walking around the horse,anything to use energy,you have stitches, not brain surgery,go to the park and drawca plant anything.When I finished my walk today I knew I was still stressed,went and sat in a park for ten minutes.Please take your magnesium tablets everyday and if you are near a Woolworths Nature's Way Mega B for stress are on special until Tuesday for 9 bucks.I suggest you start doing your own plan for you.

[outlander]

i dont know whats right anymore. ill speak to psych tomorrow. if she says hospital then my family will accept that @Sans911@Former-Member

thanks @Former-Member will look into it. will make a plan of some sort as you suggested.