how do i escape the abuse?

[maddison]

My close friend, with whom I live is diagnosed schizophrenic. He has always been non compliant with treatment, and hospitalised 3 times in the last ten years.
He is currently at week 5 of being off his medication, and the most noticeable change in his behaviour is his increasing aggression. I am also noticing a slight increase in mood fluctuation.
It is extremely difficult to live with as I am becoming more fearful of his outbursts, 99% directed at me, when 10 mins earlier everything seemed fine.
His rants are full of hate, at me, at the tv, about his delusions, and he will yell as loud as he can.
His last episode, a couple of days ago, lasted for 2-3 days and was the most hateful, abusive, evil I had ever seen him.
In a moment of desperation I called the police, whom along with CAT (team) concluded that he was not a harm to himself or anyone else. I also spoke with his case worker, (don't really know her ver well) she said each time I tell her about his behaviour,she will document and eventually have a big enough file for him to be hospitalised, and meds re stabilised.
But how long will this take, and how many times can I call the police because I am being yelled at? I feel like an idiot, when there are ppl in real crisis, and I am wasting resources, especially when he couldn't be nicer as soon as they arrive.
It is his MI doing this, and I fear that things are only going to get worse, as his condition deterioates without treatment. But that could be six months from now. Am I meant to stay locked in my bedroom for the next 6 months, with my pets, just to avoid the possible abuse?
Because of how truly cruel he had been in the last week, I have become completely withdrawn, and more detached from his friendship that I feel I have ever been. He is so absorbed by his illness, stuck in his head, that I don't think he has really noticed, that I cannot support him as I had been.
This is a red flag to me, because in his self absorption he will no doubt within the next few days, need me for something (a lift somewhere, to vent to me etc) and them will become enraged when I am not at his beck and call as I have been in the past.
So, that is my story, and my question of what shoud I do?
Sincere thankyou for reading.

[maddison]

Hi
I only joined up last night, so am unsure exactly how this all works.
SO FAR TODAY....
awoke feeling empowered that I am at least able to vent here and read stories similar, but all that positivity was stolen in a heart beat, by the rudeness of my schizophrenic, newly unmedicated, housemate.
Back to feeling hopeless and trapped. I know I am being treated cruelly by him...but, not really enough to warrant further action, just enough, to 'keep me in line' and voiceless.
I am actually, physically not feeling strong enough to talk at moment. He makes me feel, uncared for, and seems to advocate for the notion, that I am no one, my thoughts and feelings are irrelevant, and that no one will ever listen to me.
So, I might as well just give up, and accept that he can kick me around like a piece of shit.
Is he right? Of corse I KNOW he is not, but practically speaking, I cannot see a way out. Except for maybe venting on here, in a desperate attempt to validate, what is basic, human common sense.
It is just exhausting. This is my Christmas too, I would like to feel 'in the spirit', not weighted by this crap.
The recurring idea that Mental Illness wins - I can't fight it alone. I don't have a chance.
I feel so pissed off, ay his so called support system, of case workers, nurses, doctors - where are they for me? They know that he uses me as his punching bag (figuratively), yet they offer no substantial support. I believe that of there were a team, all on the same page, providing clear, specific boundaries and expectations, then it would not just be, me, alone, trying to make our lives better.
I don't know what else to say right now.
Thankyou for reading.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @maddison,

Gosh, things sound exhausting and stressful for you right now. I'm glad that you have come here to seek support and advice. Seem like you're carrying a big load all on your own.

Regardless of illness, abusive behavior is not ok. If you feel unsafe or threatened, don't ever hesitate to call the police or remove yourself from the situation if it is safe to do so. 

The question you pose regarding hospitalisation:

"how long will this take, and how many times can I call the police because I am being yelled at?"

Know your limits and set boundaries. It may be helpful to decide on what you are honestly able to offer your friend by thinking about what are you willing to accept, and you cannot accept? Can you tell me what some of things may be for you?

Also, getting support might be helpful. You've been wonderfully resourceful so far approaching his case worker, the police and coming on here. That's really great. Do you have friends or family that you can also talk to or spend time with? Also, does your friend have any family that care for him? There are also support agencies that specifically provide support to people who care for/about others with MI such as ARAFMI.

We have a few members who also care for others on the Forums and/or can speak from their own lived experiences that may be able to provide some advice. @mountain @kristin @Alessandra1992 @GivingMick @Rover @Kiera80  any words of advice for Maddison?

[GivingMick]

Hi Maddison, I am going through a similar situation with my wife. No taking of her medication for several months, her moods go from good to bad each day. Me, being the direction of all that is wrong in her life.
I do school runs for our children, take her shopping, anything I am able to help with. Then I wear the brunt of her attitude, and she goes to her friends in a better mood, cause I have been put in my place.
I have been excluded from xmas morning and lunch, since I don't live with them anymore. I am an emotional wreck now. Tried to appease her to no avail!
Keep fighting the good fight, as long as it's what you want, and worth it in the end. 🎅

[maddison]

Hi GivingMick,
Thank u for ur support and responding. Looking back over my posts with a calmer view, I feel a bit embarrassed, or maybe 'too entitled'. I am not sure how I come across to others, but at the time of writing I felt it was the only way to express myself, and that felt good - for better or worse I am not sure yet.
I don't have anyone to talk to, sometimes it's really hard.
Thank u for sharing some of ur story with me, and ur encouragement. I am a strong person, but knowing that I am not completely alone, helps me A LOT.🎄

[Alessandra1992]

Welcome @maddison, I read your posts and thought to myself one word..boundaries. Which is not much use as your boundary has been your bedroom which kinda sucks and makes you a prisoner..

If he is behaving in an abusive manner then he is not your friend.

Are you able to visit a friend or family if he continues to be unreasonable? The fact you are calling the police means to me you are living in fear, which is a scary place to be.

Can you join a carer support group where you live? Often if we feel more supported we tend to take comments less personally, and we also learn new skills to be able to engage constructively with the person we care for.

Has your friend been unmedicated before? Is he safe to stop his meds as some medications people need to have blood tests to make sure they are not impacting their physical health.

What has he told you with regard to ceasing medication? Are you his carer? Are you able to talk to him about what you are observing in terms of his moods and behaviour?

I feel for you and @GivingMick as living in stress is horrible...

[CherryBomb]

@GivingMick you sound so patient and compassionate. How do you stay afloat?

[GivingMick]

Music soothes the savage beast, but I am not savage, nor a beast. I relate to the song by Johnny Cash - when the man comes around! For who is righteous, let him be righteous still. I know what I am doing is right for me, as long as I do right by my family.
Even the strongest of us, have weak moments. If our cause is truly for good, then we are good for our cause.

[maddison]

Hi @Alessandra1992 @GivingMick ,

Thanks for ur support and understanding.
I am having a low day. The dramas are taking there toll on me.
I have just spent the morning doing my nails! And spending time with my pets.
I know I will bounce back in couple days, I have kinda lost the will to engage in any power struggles or arguments, and my housemate (not using the term friend at this stage) is just doing his own thing around the house, seemingly ambivalent to the depth of annoyance he has caused me.
In response to @Alessandra1992 question re: Is this his first time off meds, yes, he has not been without his medication for at least 5 years, I was not as involved in his life then.
He is basically the same person(so far) without meds, it's just severity of his aggression has increased and less balanced.
He is well known at his mental health service, and has a nurse that is in charge of his medical care, so I assume if he needed blood tests, that they would be done, I'm not really sure about it - his meds were slow release given by injection. I was surprised that he was able to just refuse, without tapering off, but maybe because he is non compliant, this occurred.
So his nurse/caseworker is meant to be dropping in on Tuesday to see how is doing, she also wants to inside the house. I don't know what her reaction will be, as he has a fascination with furniture and or the placement of it, and our house, inside is kind of like a maze/hoarder (not as bad) set up! It is embarrassing but she should understand.
That is all I can say at moment, if I think of more, I will write later.
Also, thankyou @GivingMick for offering me some Johnny Cash inspired words!😊

[Alessandra1992]

Hmm @maddison.. Sounds as though your flatmate is getting supported through the process of ceasing medication, which is heartening. What caught my eye though were the words the severity of his aggression has increased. Which begs the he question when is it ever have OK for friends to be aggressive towards each other?
Regardless of mental health challenges it is never OK to be aggressive..
I am think not battling is an excellent strategy as you are rivalling poor behaviour with a mature response of non aggression...
I suppose what I would like to know is that you have an opportunity to get out of your home and be with other people who will be happy to see you...
In Melbourne there are Orphan Christmas events all over the city, including ones at Fed Square, the zoos and depending on how my day unfolds, I reckon I want to go and share the vibe too..subject to rest of family.. Zoo very tempting..
Hoping you have some plans to share in some community and friendship..even on thus Forum many if us will be checking in 🙂

Take care in meantime ...