checking in

[sybill07]

hi

i know i've been quiet. i haven't been logging in. i've been busy. today i've reached the end of my tether though. after weeks of feeling like we were making progress with so many things, we're now fighting about money.

there have been medical things to sort out, centrelink things to sort out, his job to sort out, meetings to attend etc etc. and i've been quietly going and moving things along and trying to do my bit. while struggling without work but feeling we could just about manage until things were under control (you know - day by day, week by week).

Except now - the money that i had said we need to pay the rent is gone. it's not hte whole rent, but we couldn't pay it all, and the $400 that was outstanding i was anxiously awaiting. now it has gone. the account is overdrawn. why? cigarettes. stupid stupid cigarettes.

what do i get as a response? 'but i get paid this week' 'it will be alrigiht' 'i won't smoke much'. well clearly one packet every one and a bit days is not cutting back.

i am so furious. it's been fight fight fight since fri.

don't overdarw the acct. tell me if you need something. we need that money for the rent.

next time i look, it's magically gone down by another 50.

i am beyond furious really. i am discouraged, upset, frustrated. i gave him $20 to go and buy some dog food, and instead he drew out 50 and spent all teh 70! on dog food but mostly on cigarettes.

i honestly feel like kicking him out of hte house. i've had the worst weekend in ages. just when so many things were aligning together and it was feeling more hopeful.

i feel i can't trust him any more, he just does what he feels in the moment and is disrespecting me and my family (who have lent us some money for food).

i don't want to separate the bank accts or use that paycharge thing, but i'm feeling i might have to.

[Former-Member]

Hey @sybill07

Great to hear from you again but sorry to hear of the conflict with your partner over the weekend. It's a tough one when your partner is not responsible with money, and theres a nicotine habit involved! Money is one of the main topics that couples argue about.

I can totally understand your frustration and I dont think there are any easy answers 😞

Separate bank accounts would assist you to have more control over what goes out. Many couples do this and then contribute their agreed amounts to paying the bills each month. It may not make him more responsible but you will know that what is in your account, stays in the account.

Do you have a written budget plan at all? This is not hard to do: weekly/monthly costs listed and monthly income listed and allocated e.g. who pays for what. Sometimes having autopayments for rent, power, gas etc the day after payday can mean that you pay smaller amounts weekly and then don't have that lump sum to find. Working out the maths first will show you what are the important things to pay (e.g. costs of living), and then what optional items can be covered (or not).

If you are on a low income and/or have debts, you can get an appt with a financial counsellor through your local community health service or citizens advice office to help you work out a budget plan that is doable. You can also access Coles vouchers/food parcels if needed.

Ultimately you may need to ask your partner to pay his way equally or move out....this is putting an important boundary in place. Often people who are not good with money, will promise alot but fail to deliver if they can get away with it.

I hope things can improve for you. Keep in touch and let us know how you go.

kind regards,

Frog

[sybill07]

we have /had a budget, but with me not working for a couple of months that budget is dead in the water

surprisingly, you cannot exist on centrelink single payment...

once i hae work again, i will become the iron lady of the budget!!

another thing that really irks me - you can buy a bottle of wine for $6 but a packet of smokes is nearly 30!!

i know i know - it's not good for you but neither is too much alcohol but they don't tax the heck out of that.

just my whinge.

[pip]

Hi sybill07. You sound as though you've had enough. You're right about C'link payments not stretching enough to cover. You've tried drawing up a budget, that went 'pear shaped' You've tried explaining that rent and food is more important, that, too fell on deaf ears. Giving your partner control of your finances is not going to be a good move either. You said you'd like to show him the door. I can understand where you're coming from. I suggest you sit your partner down and say to him, we're not managing because of your smoking habit (you're right, smoking is unbelievably dear). Try suggesting that you give him an 'allowance' for his smokes. Once he has spent his allowance, that's his problem, you can't spend what you don't have. If he is that addicted to smoking, perhaps he needs to take responsibility. If you separate your bank accounts, you are going to have to make sure he can't utilize your bank card. Keep your card to yourself. Putting money in separate accounts simply means he must use your card to withdraw cash. If he has his own bank card now, try to get him to hand it over and, as I suggested earlier, give him an allowance, strictly for smokes, nothing else.

[Shaz51]

Hello @sybill07

I have been thinking of you today xx

how are you

sending you hugs

Hello @pip, @Former-Member