Hi @starflame, thanks so much for sharing this. I hear you. My former partner (now best friend) has Bipolar II & ADD and I relate to PTSD symptoms, although subclinically (basically lots of anxiety, sadness and crying). I totally get what you mean about being great for each other! I feel like even though we experience life very differently, we somehow have the perfect vantage point for mutual understanding.
We're able to empathise and communicate super effectively, being mindful of the each other's anxieties and very different emotional responses - I wear my emotions on my sleeve/carry them heavily in my nervous system, whereas he's more stoic and subdued. We've learned so much from each other, with similar family histories, both engaged in therapy, and I also have a psychology degree so good access to research and resources.
We too have moments where our symptoms and 'freak outs' absolutely clash!! Either my PTSD is set off and he doesn't know how to settle me, feels responsible for how I'm feeling or might be experiencing symptoms himself where he's very distracted/hyper/downcast. Or his symptoms might trigger mine. I find it soooo difficult to know when and when not to see each other - obviously you both want to support each other through your hard times.
The other night we had a dinner date booked in, I told him I was experiencing symptoms that day and he suggested he might not be helpful in that moment. We gave each other space and set a date for the next day instead. This way I had some together time to look forward to, and I knew he'd be there at the other end. We definitely don't always get this right though, and sometimes it's unavoidable because you can't always predict these things.
When we have experienced confusing or distressing times we got into the habit of having 'debrief' conversations to do some thought checking - usually within a half hour or so (depending on symptoms). This way we would give each other the opportunity to reflect and rework stuff while it's fresh in our memory, without dwelling on them. We both know that what we're navigating is complex and naturally there's a lot of uncertainly, so of course we're not always going to get it right first go.
Thanks so much for reaching out!
